Well, the title was supposed to say "odd" but I typed "off" and it's the same thing so whatever.
Lately work has been a gigantic pain. Like, everyone expects me to be keeping track of numbers or whatever when I don't even have the tools to do so for appointments we get scheduled. We're doing a large number of data/email migrations and we don't even have access to people's domain DNS to connect it to Office 365 so we have to put in tickets and then wait. And then we basically set up wednesdays and thursdays to be "admin days" where we would call people and we would remote into their computers to set up their Outlooks, but I only got 1/5 completed on Wednesday (because the tickets came back completed at 10:30 at night so we got jack shit done that day) and Thursday I got the 1 done because they were a webmail customer, so we didn't need to set up anything.
I'm starting to feel my life slip downward because I am not enjoying working anymore. I hate not having the tools I fucking need to do my fucking job. I fucking HATE it. This isn't a job that just requires some knowledge, hands and a keyboard and I don't think the company we're working with understands that.
Lately I've been trying to get a new job, with no success. And I've been trying to get into the Microsoft Department with no success as well since I'm now "head" of my department. Without a pay raise. And I fucking still haven't gotten my raise for getting my fucking certification and at this rate I can see them saying "well you didn't get the new one that's out so fuck you we're gonna bone you out of a raise".
MS gets paid $16/hr to literally NOT remote into people's computers and NOT fuck shit up potentially. Meanwhile we're in here doing all the dirty work on people's shit and messing up and everything and missing emails etc to migrate.
I'm fucking pissed that I can't control how work is going and I hate it. I'm not one to really stress about much nowadays, but when something I previously had control over just slides down the rails like this, it sucks. And it's only going to get worse because we're building a backlog like no other of customers, and it's going to get REALLY bad on September 1st.
Oh well, fuck 'em. This is how they wanted to do it with a fucking 2 man department who can't handle jack shit on our own. I never asked to be a leader and I sure as hell don't want to be, at least without proper training. At least Microsoft leads get training. I can barely force myself to work. If I'm my own "boss", good lord, nothing is gonna get done, ever.
Whatever, they'll see the giant burning skyscraper when it falls on top of them at the end of December.
Basically I'm just getting more and more thoughts of "just end it",
"kill yourself" etc because of shortcomings at work that are out of my
control. I absolutely hate not having tools I need and having to depend
on other people, because other people are FUCKING S L O W. SLOW AS
MOTHERFUCKING PIECE OF SHIT AUSTRALIANS I FUCKING HATE THAT FUCKING
COMPANY GODDAMN IT NO ONE IN THAT PIECE OF SHIT COUNTRY LOOKS TO SEE
WHAT'S COMING IN THEIR FUTURE IT'S ONLY FOR TODAY AND THAT'S BULLSHIT.
GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD! GOD FUCKING DAMN IT
And now I'll be up until 5 AM... again. As I have been for the past 3 months.
