Another dream about her.
This time we were at some sort of lakehouse, and we were walking back from a convieneince store, and she spotted one of her friends in a parking lot so we went to go talk to them. Then they invited us to a BBQ they were having so we said sure. So we went and then I guess she knew everyone there (1 dude and like 3 other girls including the friend). So we hung out there for a little while and she went off with them to do her thing and I just got left on a bench. I don't even remember what I did, I think time skipped forward. Eventually I guess I had to go to work (at Circle K). But I was still worried she would cheat and I didn't want to go, so I ended up being an hour late. And then we talked about it (she was laying on a mattress that was just randomly outside, dreams are weird man) and I finally left for work. And the whole walk to work I was just thinking "what ifs" and there was another part of me that was like "no she wouldn't" (I guess timeline wise this would have been after the events in 2014 or whatever) and my brain was like "but she did the thing before" and the other part of me was like "nah it'll be cool"
And then I fucking woke up because fuck that shit. Insecurities are ass man, even if you talk to the person about them, they don't go away, because human free will is a thing so they could just be lying their ass off. Which for many years I'm pretty sure she was, but whatever. That's not a conversation I want to have here, nor there, anymore. When I explained a bunch of stuff she did though, Joel agreed with me, so I'm pretty sure like 4/5 years we were together it was cheat city. And he's had way more experience with women than me. Like hundreds of lays/relationships. Meanwhile I've had 1 relationship and hundreds of Lays chips huehuehuehuepleasekillmeIbegyou
The dreams are becoming super spaced out and I rarely have them anymore. I just wish I could remove any memory of her completely, it's so tiring and it just ruins a good day. She's gone, I'm not gonna see her again, and I don't friggin' want to. Ugh. I'm done with women, brain, pleeeease stoooop. It's been probably almost idk, 7 years since I've been around a woman my age/got laid. I remember I told Joel that and he was like "the fuck? How?" lol. It's easy when you're me. It's so easy.
I also had another dream where I was late for my current job and I was freakin' out lol. The other day I got scheduled at 8 but the buses didn't start running until 10 (Sunday) so the whole time I was sitting at home on edge waiting for the buses to start. Then that night I had that dream and I woke up and was like, frozen in fear in my bed because I was like "oh god what if I'm super late right now" and it was really like 2 AM so my butthole relaxed and I went back to sleep.
I enjoy my current job but having to depend on someone else's times (read: bus routes) sucks, and I hate doing it. But I'm not walking an hour to get to work every day, so.
