Dream III

Almost the third night in a row I can remember certain dreams clearly.

I was at work and it was the end of the night but there was still a lot of people in the office. Unfortunately it was almost nobody I knew IRL but people I knew like, in the dream, if that makes sense I guess. I was just on the computer looking at my Twitter when my boss's boss announced something like we were being moved to separate rooms to play board games soon or something.

I think a little bit before that or a little bit after that a girl came over to my group I was talking with while I was flicking back and forth from talking to looking at twitter/interacting with my computer in general, and she had like, kind of shoulder length almost hair, not exactly cut into a bob cut but I don't know how else to describe it. And she had freckles across the bridge of her nose, just a light speckle of them. Uh, general womanly face, not too long but not super round or pudgy or anything, not too "bony" looking. I don't remember her eye color to be honest and I wish I did. She was about as tall as me, maybe 5'11" or 5'10" though so a little shorter. I'm a head taller than that just about, maybe a head and a half, so, close enough. She was actually kind of skinny? A little bit of meat there but actually not as much as was actually preferable to me IRL. I actually don't remember what size her breasts were as well, only because for some reason in the dream I apparently was just enchanted with her face and hair and how pretty she was to me. Either that or she was almost flat chested, which is weird for me because as much as a lot of women look beautiful  who are flat/have no breasts, that's not what I want from a woman. inb4 sexist lulululolololo, no. I just prefer bewbs.

She was wearing a red tshirt with some graphic on it that didn't particularly put me off of her interests, and I don't remember what pants she was wearing. She did work in the office I was currently in as well so I was familiar with technically "who" she was, I just didn't know her name in the dream at the time.

Anyway, she came over to our conversation and she... uh, well I don't actually remember what led up to this, but she ended up standing behind me, presumably looking at my screen (which IRL would be super weird and awkward cause I follow a lot of people who tweet Senran Kagura stuff... should probably fix that to a separate account) and I don't remember what I said, but it was something super stupid while leaning my head backwards so my face would have been upside-down to her, but in essence I asked her to kiss me, and she bent over and tucked her hair behind her left ear and kissed me, then the tip of my nose, then my forehead, then giggled/scoffed? a little bit and said I was weird while laughing. Then she stood back up and went back to chatting. Is it an indication of a slut if they do that in front of other people? Though I could be called a douchebag for asking a girl to do that in front of other people as well, so it works both ways.

Jesus christ it felt so real in the dream. Especially the kiss on the forehead, since I really like those for some reason. Maybe I have an issue with that part of my skull rofl. Anyway, dream me has a fuckton more balls than me, ever, to do that in front of people I was chatting with at work. But in that moment, they did not exist as soon as my head touched her stomach and I looked up at her from that angle. Like, she was directly behind me. And then as soon as that happened there was some announcement that we were moving to separate rooms to play board games or some shit and my buddies and I got separated.

Then I got moved into some game room and ran over to a table where my buddies were, only they weren't my buddies and they were clear across the room and then for some reason instead of joining my frieakin buddies, I joined a table where I knew nobody and I kind of just froze up and got stressed out while they were preparing these weird board games with like pieces of triangles and circles and stuff. Then the dream kind of blacks out.

Then it comes back and I'm in the gymnasium (uh, we don't have a gymnasium at work so I'm not sure where I am at this point) and the girl from earlier is standing beside me. Also, today IRL my sister and I are going to the Roadhouse Cinema here in town, and I am so stoked to eat mac n cheese while watching a movie on the big screen lol, and I guess that leaked into my dream, because I had the thought of "y u no invite her to movies today?" so that conversation went like this: (also she had put on a red zipper hoodie at some point)

Me: "Hey, so-"

And then she ran off to go talk to a friend or two like, across the gymnasium. I was like wtf man. Also she like, took off her hoodie and gave it to me to hold for her while she left me there.

To be honest this part of my dream stumps me, only because I try analyzing my dreams to better understand how and why my brain is processing the things they are at the time by having these dreams (boy that first haley/mmorpg/weird one was like releasing a giant mental shit from my mental bowels that had been clogging me up for some time), because typically after those dreams I think about her less and less. After that first dream I just mentioned I feel like I thought about anything relating to her much less than was the usual at the time, and the more dreams I have it's like my brain is taking those memories and throwing them into the furnace to get rid of thoughts related to her completely. It's actually nice.

However I can't make heads or tails of this dream. Because I was more than happy to just hold her jacket and watch her go be happy with her friends in the gym while I sat on the sidelines and watched everyone do something in the gymnasium. (Keep in mind this is literally a school gymnasium not like a workout gym or whatever as well.) But IRL me would not stand for that shit. I'd set the jacket on the ground and just leave that fucking bullshit. Sure, it is entirely believable that she may not have heard me, but the gymnasium wasn't that loud and she could have heard me saying something right next to her, which is what I thought in the dream, but I completely disregarded the thought.

It's funny that I had this dream because there was a girl at work that I mentioned I just wanted to fuck and drop, but I didn't want that with this girl in this dream, I wanted a relationship. And I feel like it's because of the fact that I'm kind of at a stage where I'm longing for physical companionship and touch, and there's nowhere I can get it. Having free access to that for six years during my formative twenties and then ripping it away is, I mean, mentally comparable to quitting smoking cold turkey but without the uh... side effects I guess.

Anyway that's it for today, just wanted to write that down while I still had it kind of fresh in my head.

Ciao.

Dream II

I had a dream I lived in an actual house that was nicely furnished and stuff and we had a Rottweiler  puppy and like 3 kittens and it was the best.

And then I woke up. And I was a little sad inside cause we didn't actually have the puppers and kitties.

/shrug I'm gonna find Salty and hug her before I leave for work

Dream

Ugh, just going to get this down so I can move on with my stupid day. Damn it's already 12 and I just woke up... I woke up at nine earlier, I just wanted to sleep until 10. welp.

But I had this dream where haley and I visited this like... well I'll start from the beginning.

So from what I remember she and I were in some house living there and we left to go somewhere, I didn't know exactly where so I just went with her. We walked down the street (everything was extremely foreign to me, like the surroundings I did not recognize from where I live) like kissing and hugging and stuff, and we walked for a while. Then we came across this... I dunno, small chinese food shop? They were suuuuper tiny. And they only had like 3 items: a banana split, fried rice and some egg thing I didn't pay too much attention to so I don't know what it was.

So she told me she wanted a banana split. I was like, okay. And the prices were listed underneath the items. It fucking cost $54.90 for a banana split. I was like... maybe that's a mistranslation or something.

I don't remember what happened there because it skips over to where I was going to start from, which was we came to this huuuuuge store. And it was some weird thing where like, y'know how some places have like laser tag and stuff and it's interactive and junk? Well this place was like a gigantic toys r us only like for people who liked RPG stuff and they had some fantasy interactive RPG thing as well. So we walked in and we're guided to some office for the fantasy interactive RPG.

Also for some reason haley and I have 2 way radios on our ears, probably got them for the fantasy adventure thing? I actually don't remember.

But as soon as we leave the office she runs off and I struggle to keep up. I mean this place is like CITY BLOCK huge. And I find her talking to some like, halfling people or something and tiny kid elves and I stood there waiting for her, and then I blacked out.

Not like I don't remember what happened, it's fuzzy, etc. Like someone smashed me on the head and I blacked out.

I came to on the floor and there was nobody around me at all and I was like what the fuck. I got up and the store felt like it was deserted. There was no sound coming from the two way earpiece and I just frieakin bellowed, "HALEY?" into the open air. And then I heard over the two way her saying I was awake, a slight moan, and a belt buckling up.

And then I just stood there and rushed off to the office to kill both of them. Literally stab them both with a knife. Dude knew I was her eh "boyfriend" in the dream and her... well.

But I woke up after my shoes hit the first step on the floor.

Dude I've had this fucking shit in two different ways now and I can interpret them flawlessly every fucking time no matter what happens. The length of time between seems to be getting longer and longer and I don't know why I care about a girl that does not care about me anymore. That had the gall to basically get fucked while I was in the house while she knew I wanted to get back together with her.

/shrug. I'm not gonna stew on it or anything but it helps me if I write it down somewhere online so I don't think about it more during the day and have it interrupt my workday.

I'm also going to buy a drawing tablet with my next paycheck since I lent my sister my other drawing thing and I'll be able to afford one with one paycheck, so. It'll be nice. The first thing I'm drawing is an armored, shielded heart.

It's funny because that's how I see my own heart is armored. To keep all my emotions hidden away and to prevent anyone from wheedling into my life ever again. Hell even with the chick at work that's now gone (moved "up" to better pay in the company cause some other guy wants to bone her/be in a relationship with her, idk) all I wanted to do was bang her and leave her. But that would make work awkward, plus she's not really my type, I just wanted a bang n gone, so. But what's funny is the longer I stay single and just fap to porn, the more I keep wanting that companionship from a person. Like I've literally blam'd to more physically intimate scenes than actually listening to moaning and stuff. Well, it's still typically 99% Futanari(3DCGI) and 1% other stuff but still, the symbolism is there. We have some fucking awesome dogs, but I can't have a conversation with a dog. But even if I moved out I'd still get ONE dog over attempting to get a person to date/talk with/whatever.

Also watching anime/seeing anime girl pictures doesn't help at all with that situation, but I've got a handle on it.

Good lord I cannot wait until sex robots come out. Then I can just talk with a robot who will do all of my commands and not be a bitch about it but will also be an intelligent person/AI. When I think about it like that it seems kind of dickish but I mean, when you've lived with a person who literally did almost nothing for two years around the house and it was like pulling hair to get them to do anything while you worked, you'd start thinking like that too. You say you wouldn't, but I know you see my point.

One thing is for sure, I will die a cold, lonely shell of a man but I will have someone shoot me before I even CONSIDER picking up another girlfriend for companionship that's going to eat my money and time.

Alright I gotta go do work shit and change pants from my shorts on and crap.