Third-wheeling & trapped in place.

Been thinking about posting this for a while, just haven't had enough "brain time" to get around to it I guess. And then I decide to write when I'm supposed to be sleeping for work in 7 hours. Whoooo.

I feel like an absolute third wheel in everyone's lives, even in situations where third wheel wouldn't apply. Like I'm just along for the ride in everyone else's life instead of living my own life. This is probably contributed by the fact that I can't drive anywhere or do anything for myself in this podunk town. And my brother has to drive me to work all the time, because I can't get there myself.

Today I got an interview offer from someone that's 20 minutes away from the way my brother works, also in the opposite direction, and I can't take it because he works a second job where he goes directly from his main job to his secondary job, and I can't depend on our older family friend to take us that lives with us because she's "afraid to drive at night". Yet she goes into Chicago every Friday night... -_-

So I've been job hunting for nothing. I've gotten a ton of interview requests that the family friend shoots down or I have to shoot down myself because I'd have no way to get there, and it sucks.

So now I'm just stuck lifting 90lb boxes for the rest of my life I guess.

I don't really know what would have happened if I'd just stayed in Tucson and kept my other job. I'd probably just be homeless and using the work showers to bathe with 1 suitcase with my PC in it and a couple changes of clothes or something. At least I'd be doing work I like though, not this fucking BS crap. I think about that a lot too. Just "what would I be doing in Tucson if I was still there" kinda stuff. I know I'd be homeless but at least I still would have had a job I liked doing, even if it was frustrating as all hell to deal with Telstra and their idiotic setup, but still... ugh. I miss working on a computer. I miss doing "IT" work. I miss chatting about video games with people or just talking to people, man. I don't talk to anyone but Drake at work. Rarely another dude that works with Drake and I right now but when everything ramps back up again it's just going to be me, myself and I in my own little shitty hellscape of a nightmare inside my own mind again.

I can't wait to be incapacitated in some way, shape or form so I can just blow my own head off, cause then I'll at least have a reason to. 

Well, while I was writing this my dad thought of the fact that I could just work Wednesday to Monday nights at the place and have Tuesday/Wednesday off because of my brother's work at BP. I was limiting myself to having the weekend off. The only thing is I'd probably have to cut my D&D sessions short but at this point it's doing that or suffering with this job, so I'll take the thing that's making me money over the former of having fun at home, unfortunately.

Still trapped, though. :(