past relationship

 I wrote a whole thing up on reddit in this thread: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMen/comments/sxcvvm/why_are_young_men_giving_up_on_dating/

here's what I wrote: (also yes this ONE SINGULAR BITCH is still taking up space in my head, rent FUCKING free.)

 tl;dr: took care of anxiety-ridden woman I met on /b/ in a relationship for 5 years, she was cheating on me the whole time in my apartment I paid for working my ass off and then decides to masturbate to other dudes in front of me after we break up while she is living with me still. I ship her back to her parents and I'm mad I was an idiot still, many years later. I am never dating again, fuck that mentally-scarring noise, dude. 1 relationship was all it took to take me out of the dating pool for good

Was with a woman for 5 years-ish who had social anxiety, couldn't get a job and expected me to basically pay for everything. She did some online survey work but man I can't even do that work, I would not subject another human being to 8 hours a day of that shit. So I supported us for 5 years basically working at a gas station for most of that time. Oh, I also met her on /b/ in a social thread before the advent of /soc/ so. I was just happy for female attention and I took it all the way, unfortunately.

Then I was not happy with where we were/her self-esteem with her body/no sex/no help with chores around the apartment while I worked/no help with our dogs (she didn't take them for walks because of the social anxiety so we had a pad in the house and she stopped cleaning that. I miss those doges) so we broke up, but I was still simping and let her live with me for a year and I told her to let me know if she got into anything with a dude online so I could mentally prep myself and have her still live there. I also paid for her anxiety medication, which I am 100% sure contributed to this next bit.

Her personality changed as well, due to the meds, during the 5 years we were together she never swore in normal conversation, not once. (Maybe like once or twice during sex) After we broke up she was basically swearing like a sailor on voice comms on World of Warcraft (which was hot af might I add, which didn't help). She became very dismissive of me and basically treated me like I didn't exist in the apartment except to do the chores despite me working 40 hour weeks and her sitting on her computer all day (which I paid for half of) playing WoW, andme paying the bills ofc.

One day I'm home from work and just hear her sexing it up over voice chat with another dude. Told her she was leaving and to pack her shit. I was a giant mess back then and definitely understand that she could do whatever she wanted, but I was still very attached, and it's kinda rude & crude to do that like... while I'm home. At least I stealth fapped in my room after she was out cold on the... fancy futon I had at the time. (I miss that futon lol) But she had been doing that for 2+ weeks while I was at work.

Her family flew her back to the state she came from and been alone since 2015. And yeah I had a LOT of faults in that relationship but like... bruh lol, she threw me away like a piece of paper straight into a trashcan. No feelings for me whatsoever and I found evidence after the fact she was cheating on me with dudes on the internet during the relationship after the relationship too, so. I dunno, man.

I can't do it, won't do it. I do not have the energy, or the money, or the WANT to even have a chance encounter with someone who cannot take care of themselves or put in work to keep a relationship afloat.

Do I still think about her? Yes only because she's the only female person I've ever been physically intimate with. If I could wipe her from my memory 100% like she seemingly did me from hers I'd do it in a heartbeat. Yes, years later, I still mad. I'm mad that I was naive enough to be taken advantage of like that and I will never, NEVER let it happen to me again.