goddamn I'm pissed af and I dunno why
maybe it's because of the snooty af doctor my dad went to go see today
maybe it's because I had to take a whole day off to interpret for my dad at the doc's
maybe it's because I couldn't buy what I wanted to eat at wal mart and had to buy a shitty wrap
maybe it's because I couldn't buy 3 livewire mountain dews like I wanted from walmart
maybe it's because I am restless as fuck and feel guilty about staying home all day from work
maybe it's because people in monster hunter suck fucking dick and die all the goddamn time and fail quests
maybe it's because someone I know sucks dick at monster hunter even though he thinks he's good at it
(hint: he's not good at any video game. Like I thought I was shitty but jesus fucking christ dude at least use a build where you can hide behind a shield and not die which leads to failure of the quest if you die fucking 3 times dude. and LOOK UP GUIDES, BUILDS, WHATEVER, GOD DAMN)
maybe it's because I always have to wait to eat dinner which leads to me just wanting to eat snacks instead because I'm fucking tired of eating reheated dinner dude. I'm so tired of it. I hate misophonia but I literally can not eat with nan and dad at the table or else I want to fucking punch them in their faces. nan makes fucking loud drinking gulping noises and dad chews with his fuckin mouth open. HE'LL SHUT THAT SHIT WHEN WE'RE GUESTS AT SOMEONE ELSE'S HOUSE THOUGH. jfc.
maybe it's because I've had no money for weeks and I keep having to ask my dad and nan for money for drinks at work
maybe it's because I have to constantly fucking listen for my nan on the phone or if she falls. it's like I have a constant background process all the time and I'm just fucking tense all the goddamn time dude
maybe it's because I can't enjoy my video games anymore because I have to be ready to go with my dad somewhere at ANY FUCKING TIME so I constantly suffer from that feeling where you have something scheduled for the day so you just don't do anything BUT I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING SCHEDULED, IT'S FUCKING RANDOM. I also am aware I don't need to go with him places but I feel like if I don't, I'm missing out on spending time with him and it sucks. Recently I generally stopped going to the gun range with him because it's TOO LOUD for me and it's NOT FUN. Sure I've shot a few guns but like... eh. And it's always a NEW gun with him, nothing is ever good enough. Consumerism at its finest I guess.
maybe it's because I haven't had enough money to buy a new game I want, The Quarry, to stream
maybe it's because my right eye won't stop fucking watering and being dry at the same time. I HAVE NO IDEA HOW THIS IS HAPPENING BUT IT'S FUCKIN ANNOYING DUDE
maybe it's because nan refuses to have the house be fuckin cold so I have to sit in the heat all the GOD DAMN TIME next to my TOWER that IS A SPACE HEATER WHEN I PLAY A GAME because UPS fucked up my SIDE PANELS a YEAR ago
maybe it's because I didn't get into an IT training program and have to wait 3 and 1/2 months to fucking join
I dunno man. I'm just tired of fucking being alive, I go to bed every single night hoping I don't wake up in the morning and every morning I'm disappointed. Too pussy to kill myself using a pistol cause a .22 won't fuckin kill me to the head. I don't want to be in pain.
All I can hope for is cancer or dying in bed. And yes I know cancer is painful but at least I can put it off for quite a while before it gets painful.
No comments:
Post a Comment