Talkin' to Fiery

So I was speaking to a friend from firebottle's stream the other night and we were talking about some stuff and I ended up writing this book in discord:

also about my empathetic stuff, I could tell the story, I just tend to get caught up in the details and before you know it it's 2AM and I've written a small 10,000 word novella. But save to say that that breakup I feel like broke my emotions to the point where I was considering suicide every night. I'm pretty sure I dropped watching ted in that time as well and I really shouldn't have because I feel like that would have helped my sanity a bit, but I didn't and the breakup basically broke me to the ground, and I had to build myself up, by myself, no one to speak about the issue with, no one to complain to or anything. (holy fuck smooth mcgroove's voice is sexy af I gotta stop his video so I can write this) Meanwhile my ex was in the living room loling it up with guild members on wow and sexually fucking around with dudes on the internet- okay back to the point. My point being that I had to recover all bymyself from being #1 in a person's life to being #0, while she was still #1 in mine because I had to actually take care of her, because she didn't have a job (nor would ever get one), and I eventually paid for her anxiety meds which caused a whole personality turnaround, which was even worse for me. And she lived with me for a whole year and at the end of the year is when I got her the meds pretty much. And I saw she just had so much support from people online and nobody would give me the time of day online much less listen to me about my issues or just talk with me about my day or whatever, y'know?

But as cheesy as it sounds, the only way I can describe it is "a phoenix is born from the ashes", because, because of that whole ordeal, I got to where I am today. Also it's why my viewpoint on dating and relationships is fucking trash along with visiting /r/MGTOW throughout that whole year/for about a year after that as well.
aaaand that's basically as long as the story I could have told
fuck
lol
But it's what made me empathetic and able to do things like "I'll call this guy who randomly emailed me about a job" instead of thinking "nobody wants me for a job sadface" and being a sorry loser. And now I can't STAND to see people do that shit because I went through the worst shit emotionally possible I think, outside of being fucking assraped probably, and still came out on top. That's why I laugh at those fuckers who die over women or protect women when they get into situations they created themselves. I laugh at the men with wives who control all the finances and control the guy's life. She doesn't care about the man, she cares about having a workhorse for life itself.
That first line is how I got my current job btw lol
#magic
I tried drinking and it helped nothing. I almost started trying weed/meth just to escape from it all or see if it would help (circle k connections whoo) but I didn't because I didn't want to fuck my life up even more. (Weed probably wouldn't have done much tbh lul but "gateway drug" and  I didn't really have the money to spend on weed) and the only way out I saw from the emotional pain was suicide. But once some shit happened with her and fucking around with guys online, I kicked her out of my apartment and my life immediately changed for the better. It was like night and day with how I didn't have to worry about another person's well being, if they were eating, sleeping right, doing chores I told them to FUCKING DO WHILE I'M AT WORK FOR EIGHT HOURS.

________________________________________________________________________

Jesus that's a lot of text I didn't even realize. Just wanted to put it up here since I put the effort into writing it, but I didn't let him read it. Not a lot of people know about this website and the few that do I wish didn't know it either, but, can't change the past.

In other news I get to be a windows 10 specialist and probably going to start working 1AM to 9 AM soon yaaaaaaay :| I don't want to work overnights at work but I guess I wouldn't really have a problem with it as long as I am trained fully for my position since no one else would be there tbh. /shrug I might write the full story of what happened this week on here later. It's.... it's been a lot. A loooot of things.