Somewhere out there...

Somewhere out there, in an alternate universe, there's a version of me that:

• Got fucked up by that Rodgort's Invocation that lava imp casted in Guild Wars 1 and proceeded to quit Guild Wars and have an entirely different life... potentially?
• Wasn't addicted to porn and was able to lead a normal healthy relationship with 2 people at least
• Didn't find Futanari as a fetish and would still be attracted to women
• Thus would still be attracted to women and potentially in the dating game if my relationships still panned out the same instead of focusing on my own life and literally masturbating once every 2-3 weeks at this point
• Thus would be spending a lot of cash on women, which might eventually lead to me being in the "mindset" that I am about women today anyway.
• Didn't leave the apartment I first moved into after my large breakup, with me potentially being stuck at Circle K for a job as well. Shit, I could still be there now at this age
• Which would have led to me being content in my own apartment and not moving into my mom's house
• Which would have led to a lot less stress for me as a whole.
• Didn't tell my brother I was going to be homeless and I'd still have my IT job, just no home
• Admittedly I probably would have started using the showers at work, cause I woulda been a dirty, stanky boi
• I would still be dealing with IT BS... which admittedly I like dealing with people for IN PERSON. Over the phone is a different matter, with applications that are basically unsupported now... like really [Company that shall remain unnamed]?
• Didn't find a job or begin working with my brother and am just a soulless leech on this household

There are probably a lot more "what ifs" in my life that I think about on a daily basis, and I think that each one of these experiences is a splitting point for my life. But these are the biggest, and the biggest one is that first one for some reason, and I just wish I could see what my life would have been like if that spell had gone off and wiped my group in Guild Wars. I don't know why it's such a big hanging point for me. Like, I can literally remember looking at the screen, seeing chat, seeing my party member say "SOMEONE INTERRUPT THAT RODGORT'S INVOC" and me looking at my Warrior's skill bar and time just... slowing to a crawl as I looked at my skill bar of 4 skills or whatever and being like "I... I didn't bring an interrupt" mentally to myself, and I watched the imp CAST the frieakin spell, and then I just see it stop casting, which meant it got interrupted, and then we mopped up the monster group and moved onto the next one.

Why is that such a point in my 13 year old life that was so huge to me?! It literally is something I've thought about every day since I was like... 16 or 18ish. I'm 27 now. I can't get over it. It's like there was just something I'm missing and I'm not sure why.

I need therapy, lol.