I'm never going to beat my adhd/autism.
I asked my grandma to order me a 2.3k$ macbook so I could study javascript away from my computer and the order was in for friggin 2 days, they charged her, then she forgot she ordered it and called her bank and told them it was fraud, the credit card institution and her bank itself.
In my despair I slammed my head on my desk a lot and hit myself on the head a lot. Never have I been in such hatred for myself and my shitty brain. Even right now I want to do it. I just want to mash my head into a pulp and die. I almost called the cops to take me to a mental institution because I was almost afraid I was REALLY gonna slam my head into my desk but I managed to stop myself.
Also, I feel like doing that all the time. hitting my head/slamming my head into my desk. But I manage to put those thoughts to the side. But today I just tapped my head with my hand and it's off to the self-beating races for a solid 10 minutes of punching my own head and then slamming it into a desk
autism is a fucking disease and I want to be fucking rid of it. I want to be rid of this shitty ADHD that MAKES me take time off work and get fired from every job I'm ever at unless I ENJOY THE FUCKING WORK AND CUSTOMER SERVICE WORK FUCKING SUCKS AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH JUST HIRE ME FOR FUCKING DATA ENTRY PLEASE
I can't get therapy, I can't get a macbook to help me fucking learn a fucking skill to get the fuck out of this shitty line of work, I can't do fucking shit.
Here's my gofundme for this https://www.gofundme.com/manage/help-me-buy-a-macbook-to-learn-coding
just screaming into the void again I guess
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