from here:https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/u2bp64/what_is_the_worst_fucking_feeling/
I'm here with my grandma right now, at that stage of life. Soon my dad will be too. Thing is, I can barely take care of myself with autism/adhd. I treat my grandma like she's made of paper (she's 73, already fell and broke a hip once when I wasn't here a few years ago) and I try to help her as much as I can, but life experience/autism makes me an extremely self-centered person to the point where I sometimes help with dinner but not often, don't do a ton of chores around the house, etc, she mostly does them. I do help when I feel like it but I am very aware of my level of help and it's terrible. (I can't afford therapy to fix this)
My dad also has autism (I really wish he didn't have children, that's a whole other can of worms) and is the same way, plus she is his mom so to him she's basically "able to take care of herself" and doesn't help her a lot because he doesn't really seem to care about her from what I've experienced living here for 2 years.
My dad is in his late 50s I think now and he's also deaf, and job prospects aren't great for him but at least he knows how to drive, I do not, can not drive ever because I will kill someone if not myself using the car on the road even though everyone keeps pushing me to drive.
I can't spend time with them at the dinner table because I can't stand other people chewing, and I also don't spend a lot of time with them away from my computer because my computer has been my life for years, since I was living with my mom. It's my safe space basically and as time goes on it's really becoming a hinderance to everyone but I make zero effort to change because I literally can't lol.
Time with both of these people is going by so fast though, they're the only 2 members of my family who "seemingly" love me unconditionally and growing up for 25 years in a home with a single abusive mom and multiple guys coming in and out of my life as father figures has really fucked mine and my brothers' and my 1 sister's lives up. I really hate my mom took us away from living with our grandparents when I was 13 to go live with her and her abusive bf. So much time lost. We weren't allowed to communicate with anyone outside the house, etc. My grandfather died during this time and my mom didn't tell us even though she knew, we had to find out years and years later. So much left unsaid.
Soon enough I'll be 40 (hopefully not, hoping to pass before then), my dad will be 10 years older and probably not working, my nan will probably be gone, and I have zero idea where I will be in life, if not homeless. Probably still sat in front of this computer working shitty customer service wfh jobs and cutting my own hours for days off because I can't understand the correlation between work and money a-fucking-pparently.
Value your time with your parents and grandparents guys.
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