Man, lately I have just had a whirlwind of feels lately. Not emotions, just being like... I dunno. Easily excitable? Not sure how to put it. And also a heavy 'contentedness' as well? And heavy meaning like... I dunno. It's so hard to put into words.
I dunno, maybe I just need to fap more. This week sucked butt cause I had to be at work by 12 on Monday, 9AM on Tuesday, 8 AM on Wednesday, 10 AM Thursday, then I turned my alarms off and slept until fucking 4 AM when I woke up for some reason and just... ugh. I pulled my futon out into an actual bed and I feel like I slept better with it as a sofa, weirdly enough. I'm probably going to pull it back up tomorrow.
I also missed a whole week of SGDQ basically (Summer Games Done Quick) because of training as well, though admittedly I did not keep tabs on when they started, so, my fault really lol. But It's been enjoyable watching anyway.
I bought a game for 3 dollars called Force of Nature on Steam during the sale, it's quite... interesting. Crafting takes a LONG time in the game, but luckily you can just have workbenches craft stuff on their own, you can grow plants, you build a forge and a few storage huts and barrels and stuff. Basically a survival game without food/water needs, you just use drinks to restore stamina/food to restore HP. I've also been playing a decent bit of WoW BFA Beta (World of Warcraft Battle for Azeroth Beta) since I got in, and I don't need a sub to play, huehuehuehuheuheue.
Now I'm baking frakkin like 21 loaves of bread. Which will take like 30 minutes IRL. It takes a long ass time to do this shit in this game (FoN).
I dunno, I just wanted to write. I have been thinking about looking for therapy as well, but I am not sure really if I want to take time out of my days to go to therapy when I get along alright. I can't really ask anyone for opinions since that's a 'me' thing and not a thing that's an opinion from other people, if that makes sense.
I just feel really frazzled and out of sorts I guess. I dunno. In the training class we were working with two girls that were being trained for a different department at my place of work, and they just tossed us in there because that other department's work is kind of similar to ours-ish. Anyway, while I was in there I was working closely with one of the girls being trained, just due to seat placement (it was just me + my other co-worker (who I have such a shitty opinion about, but maybe that's for another blog post), and my boss) and she touched my shoe with her shoe and... let's just say I still have some work to do in terms of women touching me, even if it's through shoes. Though I generally don't want ANYONE touching me in general I suppose, but that sent my mind basically off the rails for a little while. I dunno, I just didn't like having that feeling of a woman touching me and sending me into one of those fucking weeb/incel mindsets of 'oh she likes me' when in reality it was just a foot touch on accident. God, I hate that shit so much and I wish there was a way to turn it the fuck off, because that has no place in my life anymore. At all.
Welp them loafes of brud are almost dun so I'll just hop back over to my game. New journal entries soon probably.
Friday, June 29, 2018
Wednesday, June 13, 2018
What the fuck man
So tonight I went to fap. Obviously Pornhub is my go-to since it's safe and I'm tired of googling for other websites. Most of them nowadays are probably full of viruses. But before I go off on a tangent, I'm going to stick to what I wanted to put out there.
I went to Pornhub to look for something to fap to. I usually browse over the first two categories on the page which are maybe like 6 videos each but I just watch the little thumbnails to see what's being liked in the U.S. and stuff. I'm trying to condition myself to going back to at least CGI3D women fucking dudes, but I've been looking at futanari for so long it's hard for me to do since that's what gets me off, but, eh. To be honest I'm not too concerned with it. Slow and steady wins the race I guess. But who doesn't like a dick on a lady fucking another lady? Just tons of dem tiddies everywhere, I say!
Anyway, I saw one thumbnail that was literally a bunch of women with the lower half of their bodies naked, in a room where guys just walk in and fuck them, basically I guess a... reverse... women's... glory hole... or something? Not sure what you'd call that. But, holy fuck that turned me off faster than you can say 'bananahammock'. Like what the fuck. How can guys do that around other guys much less other women or people in general.
Ugh. Society makes me sick. And those women VOLUNTEERED to be filmed for that shit too. Like what the fuck. I mean, so did the guys so whatever, they're trash too. EVERYONE IS TRASH!
Looks like no porn for a few days while I scrub that from my memory. Jeesh. Ugh.
I went to Pornhub to look for something to fap to. I usually browse over the first two categories on the page which are maybe like 6 videos each but I just watch the little thumbnails to see what's being liked in the U.S. and stuff. I'm trying to condition myself to going back to at least CGI3D women fucking dudes, but I've been looking at futanari for so long it's hard for me to do since that's what gets me off, but, eh. To be honest I'm not too concerned with it. Slow and steady wins the race I guess. But who doesn't like a dick on a lady fucking another lady? Just tons of dem tiddies everywhere, I say!
Anyway, I saw one thumbnail that was literally a bunch of women with the lower half of their bodies naked, in a room where guys just walk in and fuck them, basically I guess a... reverse... women's... glory hole... or something? Not sure what you'd call that. But, holy fuck that turned me off faster than you can say 'bananahammock'. Like what the fuck. How can guys do that around other guys much less other women or people in general.
Ugh. Society makes me sick. And those women VOLUNTEERED to be filmed for that shit too. Like what the fuck. I mean, so did the guys so whatever, they're trash too. EVERYONE IS TRASH!
Looks like no porn for a few days while I scrub that from my memory. Jeesh. Ugh.
Post 28
1/30/17
1:30 AM
I can still remember our last hug. Her warmth, her arms around me, my arms around her. I can still smell her shampoo on her. Her fruity Juicy Fruit smelling deodorant. I can feel her arms around me if I really concentrate.
I... I don't really know if I want to remember this. I cherished that hug at the time. I vowed to remember it forever, because I knew she would never come back to me. I... I wouldn't turn her away if she wanted to come back. But, I... I just feel like I went through what she did with me in the space of a month what she got to try and cope with for years. And we were broken up, not even together. There was no reason for me to care at that point. I just... I wish she would have forced it down my throat at the time I talked to my ex that THAT was my second chance if I wanted to actually use it on something dumb like that. I wish she would have drilled it into me. I wish it was like baseball where it was 3 chances instead of two. She can stick to that but can't stick to not schlicking while a man that still loves her is in the house with another guy.
I don't get women. They don't make sense at all to me. You don't care about the guy that has a dick that could pleasure you better than you rubbing yourself off of some guy's voice on the internet.
I should say, you didn't care enough to care that I was here to do thatshit stuff on the internet with a random fu guy on the internet, so why would you care about having sex with me? You were obviously just trying to get off, and you didn't care that I was here. So... just what? Like, it makes no sense.
I'm not mad, but this will always befuddle me. I will try for the rest of my life to understand this. It is said that Einstein once tried to devote his life to understanding women. He switched subjects to fucking PHYSICS, (6/13/18 Note: Turns out this may have been Stephen Hawking upon attempting to find a source for this, but whatever) and the related sciences. One of the hardest subjects known to mankind over understanding WOMEN. That's how fucked women are, in the head. A fucking GENIUS could not figure out women and moved to the hardest subject in human existence to understand and further humanity, instead of frigging trying to understand WOMEN.
I... just... wat.
1:30 AM
I can still remember our last hug. Her warmth, her arms around me, my arms around her. I can still smell her shampoo on her. Her fruity Juicy Fruit smelling deodorant. I can feel her arms around me if I really concentrate.
I... I don't really know if I want to remember this. I cherished that hug at the time. I vowed to remember it forever, because I knew she would never come back to me. I... I wouldn't turn her away if she wanted to come back. But, I... I just feel like I went through what she did with me in the space of a month what she got to try and cope with for years. And we were broken up, not even together. There was no reason for me to care at that point. I just... I wish she would have forced it down my throat at the time I talked to my ex that THAT was my second chance if I wanted to actually use it on something dumb like that. I wish she would have drilled it into me. I wish it was like baseball where it was 3 chances instead of two. She can stick to that but can't stick to not schlicking while a man that still loves her is in the house with another guy.
I don't get women. They don't make sense at all to me. You don't care about the guy that has a dick that could pleasure you better than you rubbing yourself off of some guy's voice on the internet.
I should say, you didn't care enough to care that I was here to do that
I'm not mad, but this will always befuddle me. I will try for the rest of my life to understand this. It is said that Einstein once tried to devote his life to understanding women. He switched subjects to fucking PHYSICS, (6/13/18 Note: Turns out this may have been Stephen Hawking upon attempting to find a source for this, but whatever) and the related sciences. One of the hardest subjects known to mankind over understanding WOMEN. That's how fucked women are, in the head. A fucking GENIUS could not figure out women and moved to the hardest subject in human existence to understand and further humanity, instead of frigging trying to understand WOMEN.
I... just... wat.
Well now it's almost 2 AM. Maybe I should change clothes and clean now. We'll see. I'm going to put this entry into a blog post online first.
(6/13/18 Note: lel I never did ain't that a hoot)
Post 27
1/28/17
10:04 PM
Watching The Flash right now. I haven't changed out of my work pants because it's so cold. I don't really mind but it'd be nice to cuddle up in bed under my sheets and have muh phone on & reading my favorite series right now.
I actually haven't talked a lot about the new series I'm reading, unfortunately it's not a real book, it's a kindle book, but it's still really good. Almost a good as a real book - worth it. It's called uh... The Land series. I read through the first one which is The Land: Forging Chaos Seeds: Book I. The second which I'm almost done with it The Land: Founding Chaos Seeds: Book II, I will have to ask Azorath about that. He said the author had like 50 books planned though.
The book genre is LitRPG. It basically reads like someone playing an RPG game in real life...ish sort of thing I guess? Anyway this is my favorite book series now, and favorite genre. Hell, maybe one day I'll try writing one of my own. To fail at but still.
The Flash is getting good, fo' REAL.
(6/13/18 NOTE: You can read my current LitRPG book here: https://royalroadl.com/fiction/11702/swordgate )
10:04 PM
Watching The Flash right now. I haven't changed out of my work pants because it's so cold. I don't really mind but it'd be nice to cuddle up in bed under my sheets and have muh phone on & reading my favorite series right now.
I actually haven't talked a lot about the new series I'm reading, unfortunately it's not a real book, it's a kindle book, but it's still really good. Almost a good as a real book - worth it. It's called uh... The Land series. I read through the first one which is The Land: Forging Chaos Seeds: Book I. The second which I'm almost done with it The Land: Founding Chaos Seeds: Book II, I will have to ask Azorath about that. He said the author had like 50 books planned though.
The book genre is LitRPG. It basically reads like someone playing an RPG game in real life...ish sort of thing I guess? Anyway this is my favorite book series now, and favorite genre. Hell, maybe one day I'll try writing one of my own. To fail at but still.
The Flash is getting good, fo' REAL.
(6/13/18 NOTE: You can read my current LitRPG book here: https://royalroadl.com/fiction/11702/swordgate )
Post 26
1/27/17
10:18 PM
Well I can't say the treadmill hasn't been working. And shit I actually burned far off my pecs, apparently last night. I looked in the mirror this morning and I burnt a bunch of fat off them. I can even feel it if I grab them. I just want the gut to go away though. Liposuction? I dunno.
I started writing this though because I wanted to mention that coming home is the best time of the day for me now. Nobody's here to judge what I do, ask questions, whatever. I just change out of my work clothes, sit down and snuggle into my comfy chair, lean back, eat & watch something.
Solitude has never been better.
(6/12/18 Note: AND IT STILL IS, LUL)
10:18 PM
Well I can't say the treadmill hasn't been working. And shit I actually burned far off my pecs, apparently last night. I looked in the mirror this morning and I burnt a bunch of fat off them. I can even feel it if I grab them. I just want the gut to go away though. Liposuction? I dunno.
I started writing this though because I wanted to mention that coming home is the best time of the day for me now. Nobody's here to judge what I do, ask questions, whatever. I just change out of my work clothes, sit down and snuggle into my comfy chair, lean back, eat & watch something.
Solitude has never been better.
(6/12/18 Note: AND IT STILL IS, LUL)
Post 25
1/27/17
11:12 AM
Well cooking a couple potatoes to eat right now. Man every morning since I had Haley leave the first thing I want to do is check for emails from her. But I know there won't be any. Even just a "I know you didn't want to talk but hi anyway" would be nice. But that's not how women work. She's got her own beta orbiters by now on WoW I'm sure and just masturbating with whoever wants to.
Man even with girls like her they still get gravitated to Chads and fuck em. I never would have thought she's do it too but... she's not different from any other woman I see. I'm just disappointed, more than angry.
Potatoes are done, time to eat! I'm buying and cooking chicken next paycheck hopefully.
Oh yeah, I had the wrong burner on yesterday for the mac n cheese & on the right one there was a piece of cardboard. Almost burnt my apartment down heh. I did it though. Just ate out of the pot. The macaroni & cheese was... it was alright. Not bad but not worth the money I spent on it.
11:12 AM
Well cooking a couple potatoes to eat right now. Man every morning since I had Haley leave the first thing I want to do is check for emails from her. But I know there won't be any. Even just a "I know you didn't want to talk but hi anyway" would be nice. But that's not how women work. She's got her own beta orbiters by now on WoW I'm sure and just masturbating with whoever wants to.
Man even with girls like her they still get gravitated to Chads and fuck em. I never would have thought she's do it too but... she's not different from any other woman I see. I'm just disappointed, more than angry.
Potatoes are done, time to eat! I'm buying and cooking chicken next paycheck hopefully.
Oh yeah, I had the wrong burner on yesterday for the mac n cheese & on the right one there was a piece of cardboard. Almost burnt my apartment down heh. I did it though. Just ate out of the pot. The macaroni & cheese was... it was alright. Not bad but not worth the money I spent on it.
Post 24
1/27/17
1:35 AM
Just got back from the gym w/ Victor. Making some Cracker Barrel mac n' cheese that I got when Haley was here. I was thinking about keeping it but I'm starving after the gym. I used a new workout thing too that I can do at home with a workout tool Victor gave me. It has little styrofoam things in it I put over my door and use muh fat body weight to exercise. I burned about 550 or 500 calories today. Probably not how much I put in but hey I'm trying. We were there for like 2 1/2 hrs tonight.
I was only planning to be there an hour but he was there for longer so I decided to use one of the other machines. My shoulders are jelly now.
Another minute till mac is done maybe. The noodles are really thick and swirly textured. It's weird haha.
1:35 AM
Just got back from the gym w/ Victor. Making some Cracker Barrel mac n' cheese that I got when Haley was here. I was thinking about keeping it but I'm starving after the gym. I used a new workout thing too that I can do at home with a workout tool Victor gave me. It has little styrofoam things in it I put over my door and use muh fat body weight to exercise. I burned about 550 or 500 calories today. Probably not how much I put in but hey I'm trying. We were there for like 2 1/2 hrs tonight.
I was only planning to be there an hour but he was there for longer so I decided to use one of the other machines. My shoulders are jelly now.
Another minute till mac is done maybe. The noodles are really thick and swirly textured. It's weird haha.
Post 23
1/25/17
12:02 PM
Konosuba 2nd season released the other day. I'm on the second episode now. This series is gud. Also there's a new anime in the Stein's; Gate saga apparently called Chaos; Child. Possibly connected to Chaos; Head maybe? I guess I'll find out later. I've only got a bit before work so I'mma just chill.
12:02 PM
Konosuba 2nd season released the other day. I'm on the second episode now. This series is gud. Also there's a new anime in the Stein's; Gate saga apparently called Chaos; Child. Possibly connected to Chaos; Head maybe? I guess I'll find out later. I've only got a bit before work so I'mma just chill.
Sunday, June 10, 2018
Post 22
1/24/17
7:20 PM
Who gives a fuck
Well, been watching Wanderbutts today for most fo the day since like 2. I asked my dad for ten bucks for rent and he gave me $50. So now I have money money to buy food with too. Yay! Until my next paycheck on the 2nd of the month of February. I need to figure out a better budget for next month which I'll probably do tonight while waiting for Wander. Also have to reschedule dentist appointment cause I didn't go before work the other day, whoops. Off to make a budget.
7:20 PM
Who gives a fuck
Well, been watching Wanderbutts today for most fo the day since like 2. I asked my dad for ten bucks for rent and he gave me $50. So now I have money money to buy food with too. Yay! Until my next paycheck on the 2nd of the month of February. I need to figure out a better budget for next month which I'll probably do tonight while waiting for Wander. Also have to reschedule dentist appointment cause I didn't go before work the other day, whoops. Off to make a budget.
Post 21
1/23/17
12:48 PM
Welp almost time fer work again. I got denied by Comcast again even under a different email so I guess I'll wait a few months.
I can't wait until next month when I decide where all my money is going. I CANCELLED ORIGIN ACCESS TODAY! Whee. Gonna set up bills for February right now. Before work I guess.
12:48 PM
Welp almost time fer work again. I got denied by Comcast again even under a different email so I guess I'll wait a few months.
I can't wait until next month when I decide where all my money is going. I CANCELLED ORIGIN ACCESS TODAY! Whee. Gonna set up bills for February right now. Before work I guess.
Post 20
1/22/17
Follow me, Sons of Russ!
This night, our enemies shall feel the fangs of the wolf!
Watching Lilyhammer, on season 5. This is a really good show. Top tier!
It took Haley a whole fucking 24 hrs to email me back. Geezus. Like fucking seriously? Staying friends my fucking ass.
I'm off to play some stuff. Fuck people, fuck women, fuck everything. But mostly, fuck women. Even the most virtuous virgin gets turned into a slut after having sex for the first time, and right as they break up with you they just seek cock out like no tomorrow.
I ain't even mad.
Follow me, Sons of Russ!
This night, our enemies shall feel the fangs of the wolf!
Watching Lilyhammer, on season 5. This is a really good show. Top tier!
It took Haley a whole fucking 24 hrs to email me back. Geezus. Like fucking seriously? Staying friends my fucking ass.
I'm off to play some stuff. Fuck people, fuck women, fuck everything. But mostly, fuck women. Even the most virtuous virgin gets turned into a slut after having sex for the first time, and right as they break up with you they just seek cock out like no tomorrow.
I ain't even mad.
Post 19
1/21/17
9:27 PM
Removed Haley from all messaging services and sent her an email pretty much saying have fun fucking 20 guys. I'm done with being patient and kind to women. I'm going to live for myself, by myself, supporting myself, and have fun by myself. Haley said she would still talk to me but since she got her computer back she barely said 5 words to me (not literally but probably 30 mins - 3 hours between responses. So fuggit. I don't need to talk to her. All I need is food, money, & streams.
I can do this.
I CAN.
Also I wrote a text to my dad saying that I didn't know where else I'd apply to but I'm not worrying about it right now. And I sent this:
Yeah, Idk where else I would apply. Now that I'm by myself I'm well off so I can't complain. I just deleted Haley from all communication, she not really talk to me. Prefer to play WoW and dick around with other guys I guess. Not my problem.
Next text:
But I do want to say I'm sorry you didn't get to see us a lot when we were kids bc of mom. She said a lot of shitty things about you that made us adverse to seeing you even if it wasn't true, and I know it wasn't true now. I know you paid out your ass for child support and to try to be around us and I can't even imagine how you felt. I know it's not my fault but I am sorry for all that stuff, and I just want to let you know I do love you Dad.
You never asked for anything from us, you never threw away our gifts like mom did all the time, our cards we gave you, and so much more stuff. In the meantime mom is asking of everything from us add (and) we can't even comply most of the time. And I want you to know that although it's long overdue, I appreciate everything you ever did for me, Drake and Joel. I hope you know that even though it might not feel like it a lot of times.
I'm super hungry so I'm going to go eat, but I want to write about this more later, after I eat.
9:27 PM
Removed Haley from all messaging services and sent her an email pretty much saying have fun fucking 20 guys. I'm done with being patient and kind to women. I'm going to live for myself, by myself, supporting myself, and have fun by myself. Haley said she would still talk to me but since she got her computer back she barely said 5 words to me (not literally but probably 30 mins - 3 hours between responses. So fuggit. I don't need to talk to her. All I need is food, money, & streams.
I can do this.
I CAN.
Also I wrote a text to my dad saying that I didn't know where else I'd apply to but I'm not worrying about it right now. And I sent this:
Yeah, Idk where else I would apply. Now that I'm by myself I'm well off so I can't complain. I just deleted Haley from all communication, she not really talk to me. Prefer to play WoW and dick around with other guys I guess. Not my problem.
Next text:
But I do want to say I'm sorry you didn't get to see us a lot when we were kids bc of mom. She said a lot of shitty things about you that made us adverse to seeing you even if it wasn't true, and I know it wasn't true now. I know you paid out your ass for child support and to try to be around us and I can't even imagine how you felt. I know it's not my fault but I am sorry for all that stuff, and I just want to let you know I do love you Dad.
You never asked for anything from us, you never threw away our gifts like mom did all the time, our cards we gave you, and so much more stuff. In the meantime mom is asking of everything from us add (and) we can't even comply most of the time. And I want you to know that although it's long overdue, I appreciate everything you ever did for me, Drake and Joel. I hope you know that even though it might not feel like it a lot of times.
I'm super hungry so I'm going to go eat, but I want to write about this more later, after I eat.
Post 18
1/21/17
Back from my 6-2 shift. Ate a burger and a fruit pie, muh last one since I ate the other one last night while making baked potatoes.
I should have probably exercised while I was hungry but oh well.
Back from my 6-2 shift. Ate a burger and a fruit pie, muh last one since I ate the other one last night while making baked potatoes.
I should have probably exercised while I was hungry but oh well.
RIP T, 6/10/2018.
Man, today at work was poop. Actually today was poop overall.
Everyone today cancelled and my first appointment I didn't fucking listen to the guy when he told me that he had two emails on a domain. Cause if you move the email's domain to something else (like Gsuite to Office 365 to recieve email by changing DNS records), you can't use the other emails unless you recreate the user with a mailbox in Office 365. I literally spent an hour and a half going in circles with this guy trying to figure out what he did with his fucking domain:
A.) He got a domain from Crazydomains.com.au.
B.) He mapped it to a Wordpress website (essentially a forwarding service to the Wordpress site instead of having one custom built on the domain itself)
3.) (Cause that's just how my day was) He registered it with Gsuites to fucking have the domain on Gmail.
I found out about the CrazyDomains thing after like, an hour. Which was fucking important. And then I remembered that if he moved domains with other emails not moving they wouldn't be functioning anymore, so he basically got super pissed off. The guy fucking had me READ INSTRUCTIONS to him over the phone to change his fucking DNS settings and he didn't even explain everything to me in the first place, so fuck him.
And then nobody else picked up for the day / cancelled their appointment. So I was pretty much done with my day at 6, thank gawd.
But it gets worse.
So I figure it's 6PM, my stepdad isn't going to sleep yet or anything and I can ask him to pick me up early from my shitty day. I text him and he calls me and says he's at the animal hospital by my work. I thought, huh, maybe they're getting the cats fixed or something. I go over there and find him in one of the doctor's waiting room office things, and basically find out that T, one of our chihuahuas who fucking loves sticking his face into random holes in the ground, got bit by a rattler. But not just bit by a rattler, bit IN THE FUCKING EYE by a rattler. My stepdad took him to the hospital but since he couldn't just DROP 1200 dollars on him on a fucking dime, the hospital took literally an hour and a half to say 'hey we found some shitty old antivenom we don't use anymore that will fit your credit line of 500 dollars that we gave you, but it might kill your dog or save him.' So my stepdad said do it but by the time they did... I mean the venom went straight for the nerves and the bloodstream and my stepdad said his whole head was swollen, not to mention his eye was totally out of commission.
He died tonight. Fuck man I haven't cried over anything in a long time. I didn't even cry over my six year relationship ending. But dogs are a different story man. They're just... curious of everything and stuff. T didn't deserve to die like that. Fuck man. I'm glad I didn't see him, I want to remember him as he was. But I'm sure my stepdad wanted to be there during his last moments, but we had no way to know he was going to die a couple hours after we got back from the place.Damn, I'm crying so much right now. I wasn't even that close to T but for the last few months whenever I go out into the living room in the mornings I started petting T and Rocky and Mouse, just saying hi to them and petting them, letting them know I'm awake. He was always so happy to see me. God nobody is happy to see me anymore, heh. Just the dogs... just the dogs.
Man fuck people opening businesses to 'save animals' when really all they want is a bunch of fucking cash. I bet if they had just given him some antivenom + an IV he would have been okay, shit, when he got there. I mean fuck we were there for TWO HOURS. Fuck those people man.
RIP Boots, who died of Parvo.
RIP Snowball, who died of ovary cancer.
RIP T, who died of a rattler bite to the eye.
I'll always love you. I feel bad talking about my shitty day when T had a literally infinitely shittier one since he literally died. God I miss him already. But I like to think of the concept of doggy heaven, so I'm sure he's up there right now playing and running with other dogs and sticking his nose into holes and watching butterflies come out of the holes or something.
Godspeed, you tiny doggos you. <3 I'm probably just going to be crying the rest of the night... but I'd rather cry here than at work.
Everyone today cancelled and my first appointment I didn't fucking listen to the guy when he told me that he had two emails on a domain. Cause if you move the email's domain to something else (like Gsuite to Office 365 to recieve email by changing DNS records), you can't use the other emails unless you recreate the user with a mailbox in Office 365. I literally spent an hour and a half going in circles with this guy trying to figure out what he did with his fucking domain:
A.) He got a domain from Crazydomains.com.au.
B.) He mapped it to a Wordpress website (essentially a forwarding service to the Wordpress site instead of having one custom built on the domain itself)
3.) (Cause that's just how my day was) He registered it with Gsuites to fucking have the domain on Gmail.
I found out about the CrazyDomains thing after like, an hour. Which was fucking important. And then I remembered that if he moved domains with other emails not moving they wouldn't be functioning anymore, so he basically got super pissed off. The guy fucking had me READ INSTRUCTIONS to him over the phone to change his fucking DNS settings and he didn't even explain everything to me in the first place, so fuck him.
And then nobody else picked up for the day / cancelled their appointment. So I was pretty much done with my day at 6, thank gawd.
But it gets worse.
So I figure it's 6PM, my stepdad isn't going to sleep yet or anything and I can ask him to pick me up early from my shitty day. I text him and he calls me and says he's at the animal hospital by my work. I thought, huh, maybe they're getting the cats fixed or something. I go over there and find him in one of the doctor's waiting room office things, and basically find out that T, one of our chihuahuas who fucking loves sticking his face into random holes in the ground, got bit by a rattler. But not just bit by a rattler, bit IN THE FUCKING EYE by a rattler. My stepdad took him to the hospital but since he couldn't just DROP 1200 dollars on him on a fucking dime, the hospital took literally an hour and a half to say 'hey we found some shitty old antivenom we don't use anymore that will fit your credit line of 500 dollars that we gave you, but it might kill your dog or save him.' So my stepdad said do it but by the time they did... I mean the venom went straight for the nerves and the bloodstream and my stepdad said his whole head was swollen, not to mention his eye was totally out of commission.
He died tonight. Fuck man I haven't cried over anything in a long time. I didn't even cry over my six year relationship ending. But dogs are a different story man. They're just... curious of everything and stuff. T didn't deserve to die like that. Fuck man. I'm glad I didn't see him, I want to remember him as he was. But I'm sure my stepdad wanted to be there during his last moments, but we had no way to know he was going to die a couple hours after we got back from the place.Damn, I'm crying so much right now. I wasn't even that close to T but for the last few months whenever I go out into the living room in the mornings I started petting T and Rocky and Mouse, just saying hi to them and petting them, letting them know I'm awake. He was always so happy to see me. God nobody is happy to see me anymore, heh. Just the dogs... just the dogs.
Man fuck people opening businesses to 'save animals' when really all they want is a bunch of fucking cash. I bet if they had just given him some antivenom + an IV he would have been okay, shit, when he got there. I mean fuck we were there for TWO HOURS. Fuck those people man.
RIP Boots, who died of Parvo.
RIP Snowball, who died of ovary cancer.
RIP T, who died of a rattler bite to the eye.
I'll always love you. I feel bad talking about my shitty day when T had a literally infinitely shittier one since he literally died. God I miss him already. But I like to think of the concept of doggy heaven, so I'm sure he's up there right now playing and running with other dogs and sticking his nose into holes and watching butterflies come out of the holes or something.
Godspeed, you tiny doggos you. <3 I'm probably just going to be crying the rest of the night... but I'd rather cry here than at work.
Saturday, June 2, 2018
A friend died recently.
I don't think I blogged about
this recently. I found out that my friend, Jeremy Bowley Martin died in a
motorcycle/car crash due to someone not stopping at a red light, and it wasn’t
him, it was the other driver that hit him.
I bring this up tonight because I was going to message my dad just a World of Warships picture and I saw him on my messenger list saying we were now connected on messenger. . . but we never actually texted each other or anything. Last I spoke to him he was working at McDonalds and was in college for game design at Pima. I... just goddamn dude.
His life was GONE in a flash due to a mustang driver who thought he was fucking cool blazing through a fucking red light. I hope that fucker suffers eternally for what he did.
Jacob messaged me the news link. Not sure how he found out about it but... damn. I dunno. I dunno why I wanted to write this. I don’t know. It just really puts me off driving because of people like that, who have no regard for others in fucking literally metal coffins, basically. I guess besides motorcycles but still.
I turned 26 recently, some days ago, and applied to Full Sail University for a degree in Software Development. I figure I’m not getting any older (younger? I don’t know the phrase here) and I need to do something with my life other than working a 12 dollar an hour job forever. Though with what I heard about my department, we may or may not be closing soon. The… two-person department that we are, but still. We just got 2 new people (well, old people but they had their department shut down in favor of moving to our department) and I hope they’re not requesting all these stats from us and stuff now because they want to shut us down and see stats to prove we should stay a thing or not.
And now I have to ask people to take the damn survey… god fucking son of a bitch I hate, hate, HATE THAT SHIT. I hate asking people to do things they OBVIOUSLY will not want to do. Well at least that’s one thing we weren’t required to do at AFNI was ask people to take the survey. /sigh. I’ll take it as it comes though I guess, f it. The job is still excellent and I’m going to stay there as long as I can. Especially now that I might get into college, but if they look at my credit score… lel probably not. My hopes aren’t high at all, really.
Well I guess that’s it for this blog post. Back to playing World of Warships and Dwarf Fortress.
I bring this up tonight because I was going to message my dad just a World of Warships picture and I saw him on my messenger list saying we were now connected on messenger. . . but we never actually texted each other or anything. Last I spoke to him he was working at McDonalds and was in college for game design at Pima. I... just goddamn dude.
His life was GONE in a flash due to a mustang driver who thought he was fucking cool blazing through a fucking red light. I hope that fucker suffers eternally for what he did.
Jacob messaged me the news link. Not sure how he found out about it but... damn. I dunno. I dunno why I wanted to write this. I don’t know. It just really puts me off driving because of people like that, who have no regard for others in fucking literally metal coffins, basically. I guess besides motorcycles but still.
I turned 26 recently, some days ago, and applied to Full Sail University for a degree in Software Development. I figure I’m not getting any older (younger? I don’t know the phrase here) and I need to do something with my life other than working a 12 dollar an hour job forever. Though with what I heard about my department, we may or may not be closing soon. The… two-person department that we are, but still. We just got 2 new people (well, old people but they had their department shut down in favor of moving to our department) and I hope they’re not requesting all these stats from us and stuff now because they want to shut us down and see stats to prove we should stay a thing or not.
And now I have to ask people to take the damn survey… god fucking son of a bitch I hate, hate, HATE THAT SHIT. I hate asking people to do things they OBVIOUSLY will not want to do. Well at least that’s one thing we weren’t required to do at AFNI was ask people to take the survey. /sigh. I’ll take it as it comes though I guess, f it. The job is still excellent and I’m going to stay there as long as I can. Especially now that I might get into college, but if they look at my credit score… lel probably not. My hopes aren’t high at all, really.
Well I guess that’s it for this blog post. Back to playing World of Warships and Dwarf Fortress.
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