Slightly unstable

Man, lately I have just had a whirlwind of feels lately. Not emotions, just being like... I dunno. Easily excitable? Not sure how to put it. And also a heavy 'contentedness' as well? And heavy meaning like... I dunno. It's so hard to put into words.

I dunno, maybe I just need to fap more. This week sucked butt cause I had to be at work by 12 on Monday, 9AM on Tuesday, 8 AM on  Wednesday, 10 AM Thursday, then I turned my alarms off and slept until fucking 4 AM when I woke up for some reason and just... ugh. I pulled my futon out into an actual bed and I feel like I slept better with it as a sofa, weirdly enough. I'm probably going to pull it back up tomorrow.

I also missed a whole week of SGDQ basically (Summer Games Done Quick) because of training as well, though admittedly I did not keep tabs on when they started, so, my fault really lol. But It's been enjoyable watching anyway.

I bought a game for 3 dollars called Force of Nature on Steam during the sale, it's quite... interesting. Crafting takes a LONG time in the game, but luckily you can just have workbenches craft stuff on their own, you can grow plants, you build a forge and a few storage huts and barrels and stuff. Basically a survival game without food/water needs, you just use drinks to restore stamina/food to restore HP. I've also been playing a decent bit of WoW BFA Beta (World of Warcraft Battle for Azeroth Beta) since I got in, and I don't need a sub to play, huehuehuehuheuheue.

Now I'm baking frakkin like 21 loaves of bread. Which will take like 30 minutes IRL. It takes a long ass time to do this shit in this game (FoN).

I dunno, I just wanted to write. I have been thinking about looking for therapy as well, but I am not sure really if I want to take time out of my days to go to therapy when I get along alright. I can't really ask anyone for opinions since that's a 'me' thing and not a thing that's an opinion from other people, if that makes sense.

I just feel really frazzled and out of sorts I guess. I dunno. In the training class we were working with two girls that were being trained for a different department at my place of work, and they just tossed us in there because that other department's work is kind of similar to ours-ish. Anyway, while I was in there I was working closely with one of the girls being trained, just due to seat placement (it was just me + my other co-worker (who I have such a shitty opinion about, but maybe that's for another blog post), and my boss) and she touched my shoe with her shoe and... let's just say I still have some work to do in terms of women touching me, even if it's through shoes. Though I generally don't want ANYONE touching me in general I suppose, but that sent my mind basically off the rails for a little while. I dunno, I just didn't like having that feeling of a woman touching me and sending me into one of those fucking weeb/incel mindsets of 'oh she likes me' when in reality it was just a foot touch on accident. God, I hate that shit so much and I wish there was a way to turn it the fuck off, because that has no place in my life anymore. At all.

Welp them loafes of brud are almost dun so I'll just hop back over to my game. New journal entries soon probably.