Post 28

1/30/17

1:30 AM

I can still remember our last hug. Her warmth, her arms around me, my arms around her. I can still smell her shampoo on her. Her fruity Juicy Fruit smelling deodorant. I can feel her arms around me if I really concentrate.

I... I don't really know if I want to remember this. I cherished that hug at the time. I vowed to remember it forever, because I knew she would never come back to me. I... I wouldn't turn her away if she wanted to come back. But, I... I just feel like I went through what she did with me in the space of a month what she got to try and cope with for years. And we were broken up, not even together. There was no reason for me to care at that point. I just... I wish she would have forced it down my throat at the time I talked to my ex that THAT was my second chance if I wanted to actually use it on something dumb like that. I wish she would have drilled it into me. I wish it was like baseball where it was 3 chances instead of two. She can stick to that but can't stick to not schlicking while a man that still loves her is in the house with another guy.

I don't get women. They don't make sense at all to me. You don't care about the guy that has a dick that could pleasure you better than you rubbing yourself off of some guy's voice on the internet.

I should say, you didn't care enough to care that I was here to do that shit stuff on the internet with a random fu guy on the internet, so why would you care about having sex with me? You were obviously just trying to get off, and you didn't care that I was here. So... just what? Like, it makes no sense.

I'm not mad, but this will always befuddle me. I will try for the rest of my life to understand this. It is said that Einstein once tried to devote his life to understanding women. He switched subjects to fucking PHYSICS, (6/13/18 Note: Turns out this may have been Stephen Hawking upon attempting to find a source for this, but whatever) and the related sciences. One of the hardest subjects known to mankind over understanding WOMEN. That's how fucked women are, in the head. A fucking GENIUS could not figure out women and moved to the hardest subject in human existence to understand and further humanity, instead of frigging trying to understand WOMEN.

I... just... wat.

Well now it's almost 2 AM. Maybe I should change clothes and clean now. We'll see. I'm going to put this entry into a blog post online first.

(6/13/18 Note: lel I never did ain't that a hoot)