Man

Man.

I was just laying in bed and thinking about how good I have it right now.

Rent for 300 bucks basically. A good job I'm probably going to get a 2 dollar raise at from 12 an hour to 14 an hour. A nice bed. A good gaming computer. A great gaming lappy. I'm not supporting anyone else but myself and spending my money how I want to.

And I had this exact thought, smiling to myself, while laying in bed reading. I've been 100% happier since not supporting a woman. Why just the other day Jake was complaining about his girlfriend about her saying "I wish you'd just get a million dollars and then I'd never have to work again".

It's all about HER. Not about him or him making money (he makes a FUCKTON of money and guess where it all goes? Her house, her kids, her car. It's fucking ridiculous and it makes me feel so bad for him.

Not to mention she used to be fucking SMOKING hot and then... well lol. She's a fucking balloon now. Like, pear shaped balloon... or dare I say, potato shaped.

And you wanna know what'll happen as soon as he leaves? She's gonna slim right back down again and fucking catch another guy. And another. And another.

I feel sorry for all the guys out there with GFs or who need pussy to fuck every night or some shit. It's not worth the STD risk, or the money risk in my opinion, or ANY risk to my well being to do ANY of that. God my last relationship put me off of women so much I am happy to be alone for the rest of my life. Cause you know what? All that woman has to do is fuck around with a co worker or someone she just randomly met on the fucking internet, BAM. STDs galore and all of a sudden, you have herpes for life. It's gross, and it's sickening. I'm glad for my low Testosterone, tbh. I'll have a babyface my whole life, idgaf. if I can fap and climax 3 times in oh, 10 minutes and be satisfied for two weeks, I'll take that shit over a woman any day. DON'T GOTTA PAY FOR MY FUCKING HAND TO EAT! (Well, I have to pay for myself to eat, but my hand isn't a separate person... you get the picture.)

Sure I'd like to stick my dick in a warm, wet hole for all of fucking 5 minutes, but I have an onahole for that. All I look for is the climax with fapping to get it out of the fucking way for the week or two and that's it. And the amount of women out there who DON'T put out for their guy after they've been slaving away at work is fucking ridiculous. If you stay home and don't work you better have that fucking lube ready cause jesus christ. A guy wants to cum and get that shit done. Sure, weekends can be for romantic shit but if you don't work and he does YOU ARE AT HIS BECK AND CALL, WOMAN. However depending on if you work or not, that's a different story, depending on the job of course and hours worked, etc. I could see two people working and having no sex at all or cheating on each other with co-workers, actually, which doesn't make too much sense but at the same time, it is a lot of work to actually PLAN time together in those cases.

And hey, for those couples who do plan time together and stuff, great, you do you. But the amount of woman out there who "find" someone better and then scream that their boyfriend of two years raped them is fucking astounding, and that's the shit that scares me. I'm glad to have an alibi at all times, but I doubt anyone would try and convict an uggo like me of rape, and I'm perfectly fine with that too. Let the chads be convicted, the idiots who go around fucking women like there's no tomorrow.

Behind every woman, there's a man that's sick of her fucking bullshit. And this rings true for almost every relationship on the planet. And why should men have to put up with women hitting men, women emotionally abusing men, women not caring what their men go through? WE SHOULD NOT.

MGTOW or bust, folks. Stare at purdy women, just don't touch em and don't fuck em.

Also there's some weird search terms leading to my blog, speaking of women and sex. If I get a chance I'll post a screenshot at some point in a post, but they're probably from my ex searching for them through google and finding my blog.

Speaking of which as well she's off her meds and back to doing crowd-sourced work on the internet for money. Sad. I wonder how our relationship would have turned out if she had gone on meds sooner like I told her to. Ah well, no use dwelling on the past I say. I'm done with doing that.

Oh, also I had a weird dream this morning, it was a zombie apocalypse dream in fact. I was with my brother Joel again in it and I just remember us fighting zombies and fleeing to some part of some town that was zombie-free... and they had a lot of food. Like so much food it should have been impossible. And we went inside this food restaurant that was primarily made of wood, seemingly, and basically the prices on the menu were ridiculous for the food, so we left. And then Joel went off somewhere and I wandered around and I found a... yeah I don't know what my brain was thinking, but I found a baby being beaten up by other... small children. And I kicked one's ass and then they all fled, and the baby could talk fluent English and sounded like a gruff dude. So I picked him up and then we started wandering around this other part of town we were in and then the baby was like "oh that's my house" and went into a house and didn't come out. So I was like, "whatevs" and kept walking around, and then I woke up. Also I think my ex was in there somewhere but I think she was a zombie and she died, cause she sure as hell wasn't walking around with me or me and Joel at any point.

Welp that's my day I suppose. I'm off to bed I think. I was going to write but it's  2:01 AM now and I should really go to sleep if I wanna get up on time.

...maybe just 30 minutes of writing. 100+ pages and I need to rewrite a lot of it, but I want to finish this rough draft...

Also I fucking hate people who use the ":3" shit as a snarky overtone as "oh look at me I'm fucking cute and a woman I can do ANYTHING BECAUSE PEOPLE CARRY ME THROUGH SHIT" fuck you fucking sluts. You put no fucking work into anything.

Okay I'm done. Lol.

Lots of events.

So lately there's been a lot of events in my life. I got a gaming laptop through my brother so I can play WoW at work/other games etc. My boss got my co-workers and I Mario Kart for the Switch as well so that's pretty cool, + a Pro controller + wheels! I tried playing with motion controls though, it's pretty hard with just the switch, so. Uh... found out our department might be shut down in November, so that's cool. I'm gonna try my hardest at work though like I have been recently. Tomorrow I have three appointments, wew.

Uh what else besides the obvious mental insanity in my head surrounding my ex and I. Not reading that last email she sent me is really nagging me but at the same time, it's gone, I made sure it was gone tonight. God I wish she just didn't send that shit. Also I am aware she keeps reading posts here every now and again so huehuehuehue fuck off.

Got a bunch of gear on WoW on my warrior tonight so that's super cool. I joined a guild last night (I think?) on my Warrior and got to Heroic item level areas and actually ran a Mythic dungeon tonight and got a couple gear pieces out of it, which is DOPE AS FUUUUUUUUCK considering I got the T-Rex skull helmet off the last boss in the dinosaur instance (I can't remember the name lol). I probably caught up with Jake in item level or surpassed him. I have mostly Heroic gear now and am pretty much geared for Mythics now. Goddamn that last boss in the Mythic dino dungeon sucked BUTT holy fuck. Literally luck and evasive maneuvering dodging spiders etc. But we diddlydamndidit despite a fucking retarded tank (I was DPS).

Lately I've been feeling pretty... I dunno, shitty? Tbh? Like... no matter how hard I try to upkeep my "heart armor" it's just broken down and rusting in places. It's a junker now. It's so tiring to keep away the emotions and thoughts now. It's hard to keep up my work ethic at work feeling like that. And I kind of want to get therapy for it but I don't really feel like it'll "help" me per se and it'll just be a waste of money. And I don't need medication for anything, though some people have said that not feeling "feelings" means you have depression, but I'm not depressed, I think. Just really tired. And  I don't mean how I felt when I was 19/20 working at the gas station, I mean literally just... weary of life already. I'm jut like... man. I don't know if I can keep it up anymore. I've had violent outbursts lately towards video games and it scares me. I'm usually HELLA on top of my anger and stuff but it's not anger, it's like... fucking autistic shit. Just talking out loud a lot to myself as well as yelling when I lose in a video game or something. I just... goddamn it's fucking weird. Maybe it's because I'm home by myself a lot with my sister working and I just feel like I can do what I want? Maybe. But it's still really weird.

Wow that snowballed into some shit lol. Meh I might just go to bed, I was going to write in my book: https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/11702/swordgate

I have more writing in my private Google Docs area that I'm working on, but this is the public bit as a "rough draft".

Alright I'm going to sleep, this helped a bit I suppose. Gnight.

Nah

Got an email from Haley today. Weird, cause they've all been "accidentally" going to my spam inbox if she's been sending me any.

Just made sure the words "sue", "legal" and the like weren't in the email. Didn't read it. I know what I did wrong, I don't need it told to me again like some child, however I may have acted in the past, which was most of the email from what I glossed over.

Goooooooood riddance. I'm sure she feels the same goddamn way judging by the length of that letter. I didn't read it.

Oh, and that feeling I couldn't place in a previous post was revulsion. And at this point of course I know that's how she feels about me as well, most people do about their exes.

I made the decision to stop communication with her and put a stop to my foolishness after an email where I absolutely demanded she take her medication because goddamnit I spent a decent chunk of money on that shit. And then I got her reply email to that and realized that I was done being a demanding piece of shit, and decided that continuing communication with someone who didn't give a shit about me but I still gave a shit about wasn't good, much less getting mad about something I had absolutely no control over.

That day marked the end of an "era" for me, and now I have my issues under control, my anger, my sadness, my feelings are all under lock and key and managed accordingly. I don't need them brought back. And I've made way too many blog posts complaining about the state of my life back then.

And that's it. I've nothing else to say on the matter.

And now I'm looking to move out of my mom's house again. Gonne be tough considering my credit score :\.Which, is a whole 'nother story in and of itself, concerning Jake...

Now I'm just gonna watch Mary and the Witch's Flower and then go to work.

poast

https://www.reddit.com/r/greentext/comments/94257b/anon_has_a_friend/e3ib9x6/?context=3

I know there's nothing like it. I was with a girl for 6 years, dating + engaged.

We split, obviously. She had severe social anxiety (didn't leave the house for 2 years) and eventually I got her to go get medications after living with me for a year with no job, no paying rent, no paying bills, etc. and then she started fucking around with other guys online. I found out one night when I heard the "hot n heavy" breathing that women do when they're turned on/masturbating/whatever.

Yelled at her for three hours for not even letting ME fuck her (no sex for probably 3+ years. No blowies, nothin) but she'll theoretically jump on any guy's dick that's not me.

Six years of supporting someone who never went to try and fix themselves. I loved her and at the end she threw me and the relationship away like trash. I could just tell by her mannerisms and by how she spoke to me that it was completely thrown out of her head.

In the two years after that (actually 2 years last month) I've thought about it a lot and realized that she was probably banging around on the internet with other guys as well WAY before that shit happened at the end, I was just too blind to see it.

The entire year she lived with me I spiraled downward into a depression and wanted to kill myself. Drank a lot. Every night I would cry because I didn't actually want to kill myself, but the emotional pain was tearing me apart. Hearing her laugh while talking to other people on the internet was TERRIBLE to my psyche. And then the end came about and I was finally at peace and could finally live my life for who deserved it: me and only me.

So yeah. Killing yourself over someone is fucking retarded. You have one life to live and you shouldn't hurt your own life for someone else, period, men or women.