Lots of events.

So lately there's been a lot of events in my life. I got a gaming laptop through my brother so I can play WoW at work/other games etc. My boss got my co-workers and I Mario Kart for the Switch as well so that's pretty cool, + a Pro controller + wheels! I tried playing with motion controls though, it's pretty hard with just the switch, so. Uh... found out our department might be shut down in November, so that's cool. I'm gonna try my hardest at work though like I have been recently. Tomorrow I have three appointments, wew.

Uh what else besides the obvious mental insanity in my head surrounding my ex and I. Not reading that last email she sent me is really nagging me but at the same time, it's gone, I made sure it was gone tonight. God I wish she just didn't send that shit. Also I am aware she keeps reading posts here every now and again so huehuehuehue fuck off.

Got a bunch of gear on WoW on my warrior tonight so that's super cool. I joined a guild last night (I think?) on my Warrior and got to Heroic item level areas and actually ran a Mythic dungeon tonight and got a couple gear pieces out of it, which is DOPE AS FUUUUUUUUCK considering I got the T-Rex skull helmet off the last boss in the dinosaur instance (I can't remember the name lol). I probably caught up with Jake in item level or surpassed him. I have mostly Heroic gear now and am pretty much geared for Mythics now. Goddamn that last boss in the Mythic dino dungeon sucked BUTT holy fuck. Literally luck and evasive maneuvering dodging spiders etc. But we diddlydamndidit despite a fucking retarded tank (I was DPS).

Lately I've been feeling pretty... I dunno, shitty? Tbh? Like... no matter how hard I try to upkeep my "heart armor" it's just broken down and rusting in places. It's a junker now. It's so tiring to keep away the emotions and thoughts now. It's hard to keep up my work ethic at work feeling like that. And I kind of want to get therapy for it but I don't really feel like it'll "help" me per se and it'll just be a waste of money. And I don't need medication for anything, though some people have said that not feeling "feelings" means you have depression, but I'm not depressed, I think. Just really tired. And  I don't mean how I felt when I was 19/20 working at the gas station, I mean literally just... weary of life already. I'm jut like... man. I don't know if I can keep it up anymore. I've had violent outbursts lately towards video games and it scares me. I'm usually HELLA on top of my anger and stuff but it's not anger, it's like... fucking autistic shit. Just talking out loud a lot to myself as well as yelling when I lose in a video game or something. I just... goddamn it's fucking weird. Maybe it's because I'm home by myself a lot with my sister working and I just feel like I can do what I want? Maybe. But it's still really weird.

Wow that snowballed into some shit lol. Meh I might just go to bed, I was going to write in my book: https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/11702/swordgate

I have more writing in my private Google Docs area that I'm working on, but this is the public bit as a "rough draft".

Alright I'm going to sleep, this helped a bit I suppose. Gnight.