Edit after writing this whole thing: I've had a few dreams here and there, but none so much as to warrant a post, about her. This is the first one in a while.
Okay I had to immediately get up and write this one down.
So in this dream I was walking down the street (I think somewhere between Miracle Mile and Oracle? Idk) and for some reason I looked at my phone and saw that my most recent ex was nearby.
Pining for the fjords.
Anyway, she was literally across the street. She had two strands of braided hair and the ends of her hair was blue. (Strike 1 for crazy bitches, colored hair, but it did look good on her) There was a set of apartments on the side of the road and I crossed the street, and I caught up to her fairly quickly. She was entering the complex and I said, "Haley?" and she turned around and her eyes absolutely lit up. It should be noted here that I had some hesitation in calling out to her, either because I was afraid that it was the wrong person, or because I just didn't want to get into this situation because I didn't know what would happen.
At this time my feelings in the dream were utter confusion. Why wasn't she at home? Why was she here? Moreover, why the fuck was I in that area of town to begin with lolol. Anyway, she was wearing a blue shirt and some normal jean shorts. And she ran over to me and hugged me. We went inside the "complex" area (it was a weird one with some... open space layout among individual apartments) but not inside an apartment, I just sat on the ground and she sat on my lap, legs crossing around my backside. And I asked her why she was here and not at home. She replied with
"I realized I just absolutely have to tell someone I love them 3 times a day." And I instantly thought to myself, okay... you could have done that in GA though.
I asked another question but don't remember it or the response.
Then I asked how she was getting by here with her anxiety? Was she living with another guy or was she just fucking around the complex? And she seemed very hesitant to answer(strike 2 for crazy bitches, ALERT), so my brain was like ERROR, ERROR: IMMERSION BROKEN and then I woke up.
It was so real, my eyes snapped open and I knew I was well on my way to becoming well-off on my own, without wanting companionship every day, at least, from a "partner". Still all for an AI I can talk to or something. Like GateBox.
Of course in the dream I just immediately wanted to "rescue her" after seeing where she was supposedly living, but automatically there was a stopgap in my brain, like "Do you really want to support another person again, especially her where she didn't get a job?" and "What if she has STDs?" and "She'll never truly love you now, it's obvious she's banged this whole complex, you know that, and your current history" etc etc.
Whirlwind of emotions that I'm still kind of reeling from. I don't have a problem with sexual history, but I do when I had the fallout that I had with this person previously.
Hopefully my appointment with a psychiatrist I scheduled will help me focus away from these things. Planning on getting some ADHD medication. I can't wait.
Also I've had a section of a Backstreet Boys song stuck in my head and it's driving me crazy. Hey mister DJ, keep playin, that song for me, out on the floor in my arms... UGH. Curse 10-11-year old me for listening to that shit.
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