Why.

 So today (the 19th) was Joel's birthday. I had to stay at his house last night so they would have time to do stuff they needed to do today. So I've literally been at joel's place for the equiv of like almost 2 weeks basically.

Today started off with dropping Joel off at work and then going with his gf to get stuff for his party. The entire time she's complaining, "Oh, I didn't get jack shit from him for MY birthday" blah blah blah, Then she sees his snapchat and sees a bunch of girls are wishing him happy birthday and the responses he gives to the girls are a little more... forward  than the post he put up with his GF in it, so she starts crying in the car when she sees this. Oh, and I guess she thinks he's fucking our cousin or something. Far be it from me to determine someone's sex life.

And then literally all fucking day both of them are complaining about having ZERO money. His GF takes ALL of her savings out to decor his room for the "party" and buys him $60 Converse shoes to replaces his Converse shoes that are still wearable... like what the fuck. They're just fucking dirty, deal with it dude wtf?

And then we chill for a while and then go to some fancy steakhouse where the whole time I'm just like "I should not be here because she can't even afford this frieakin stuff" so I order a fucking calimari fucking appetizer only to eat while they ordered some expensive fuckin ass dishes. Joel got a huge steak and a potato and carrots and she got a huge piece of chicken and some other stuff on her plate, idk. And I got CALIFUCKINMARI.

So now she's absolutely broke and Joel has to help her with all her finances. Meanwhile during the day today Joel is broke as fuck as well, and he orders mcdonalds for himself in the morning when we took him to work, and Culvers for himself after we pick him up from work. Meanwhile I haven't basically eaten much in 48 hrs and we just sit in a car while he eats some food.

And now I have no money because I had to ask my dad for $40 to get home (luckily he gave me $45 because the ride was 41) so that ate the rest of my cash, so now I'm not going to have anything to eat. Oh yeah, and Joel and his gf bought a bottle of henessey and malibu on the way back home from the steak place. And the whole time I had to have my map up because these two fucking social media obsessed fucks have to be scrolling through their damn feeds every minute of every fucking day. Dude with how many times I got cut off when i was talking to them, either of them, or just no one listening to me at all... I can't man. I fucking cant. 

Good thing I left so I don't have to hear them fucking banging upstairs. I also fucking hate how they talk about fucking banging and shit around me. NO ONE, I repeat, NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR THAT SHIT. I wouldn't even care if I WAS in a relationship, I still wouldn't want to fucking hear it. I think about that shit all the fucking time now and it's just gross.

Oh, yeah, and apparently I'm like their weird ass "son" and or "dog" to them just because what, I have a bunch of free time? Joel literally called me a dog because I just enjoy being in the car with him and talking to him and stuff. And the more I thought about it, the more it just fucking offends the fuck out of me. Like dude, I have fucking feelings, you fucking asshat. I hate having people take care of me. I hate having people spend money on me. Why do you think I try and get the absolute minimum if we're hanging out? I'm not a dog or a fucking child, I'm a fucking person.

Today on the car ride to different places with his GF she was like "man you've been so cooperative today!" or etc whatever, and I was like "Thanks for referring to me like I'm a child," in a joking tone but holy fuck dude seriously they treat me like I'm a fucking 8 year old. Literally no one told me to bring a polo for the nice restaurant so I didn't and we had to stop at goodwill to get me a button-down shirt that I literally FELT eight years old in.

I just can't hang out with them anymore man. Apparently not being in a relationship makes me less of a man and more of a kid? Idk? And they just use me as a middleman to tell each other things they don't like the other person is doing. Like dude, motherfucker, YOU ARE ADULTS. I am here to chill and have a good fucking time but they're just condescending as fuck to me and I'm SO TIRED OF PEOPLE BEING CONDESCENDING TO ME. I'M DONE WITH IT. I'M LITERALLY DONE. I can't hang out with them until they sort their shit out, I can't talk to Linda, Drake, no one.

I thought I found someone to talk to in Joel and his GF but it turns out they're the same. I appreciate what Joel's helped me with a lot including letting me stay at his place but the fat jokes, talking about me being fat, talking about me being a dog, a child, using me as a go-between/emotional tampon or whatever for BOTH of them, the just... body harassment joel does to me, it's just like being bullied, basically.

I'm on my own again, I guess. Thanks for everything, Joel. Ghost of Tsushima was cool, all the meals were great, but holy hell I'm just so stressed and frayed all the time man, since I started hanging out with y'all. Y'all gotta get your damn shit together before I can hang out again. And I'm gonna be working most weekends now so, oh well.

I'm going to bed. Finally. In my comfy twin bed. FUCK.