Dreamseses.

 This one was a bit of a doozy and left me feeling hopeless first thing in the morning.

So ofc it was her and not some rando girl in my dream. And in it we were hanging out and stuff and messing around here and there. And some time passes and for some reason she's streaming? (Probably my brain telling me to stream Javascript because I missed practicing/streaming it last night, and I was thinking about it before going to bed) and she was streaming WoW (which I just started playing again) and she said something about having 5 guys in her life to mess with or whatever. And in chat I was like "haha what" and then like 3 other chatters swooped in and they were like "yea we've been with her irl" and I just lost all faith in humanity. My arms slumped off the keyboard and I just stared at the screen. I wanted to leave the stream but at the same time I just couldn't believe it after the great time we "had" in the dream.

And then at that point I knew it was a dream, so I woke myself up and that's that.

Great fucking start to my day. BEST START. I probably don't have tomorrow off either, gah. Y u do dis brain? WHY

Edit a little later: Man yesterday was one of those "thinking about my regrets all day" days and I kept thinking about how she wore makeup and then took it off before I got home twice, and even thinking about it now is like jamming a finger into a wound and swirling it around. I was so stupid to not see the signs. You wanna be pretty for some other guy, but not for me, I guess. Gah. GAH I SAY! GAH! I need therapy god dangit. I wish I could afford it.

I got to hang out with Joel yesterday and his pitbull pup, the pup is teething so he likes to bite stuff. I gotta buy him some doggo treats for sho'. I'm going back over there again after work today. I may? get to see his kid as well? Not sure on that one. I was gonna say I should probably wash my jacket so I don't smell like butt going over there but I don't have enough time before I have to go to work lol. Phat rip I guess.

Okay, to WoW.

Edit because unending stream of thought apparently: Is it weird I can't even imagine anyone in my life having sex? Shit, I don't even want sex. That's probably carrying over into those thoughts, but it's like holding an object I don't know how to hold. It's so... foreign to me as a concept. I mean I've had sex but dear god it was so much work, it was useless to me. I understand it's for "close relationship time" with your SO but there's probably a bunch of factors at play here. Like I don't want a SO or a relationship, or sex, so I just don't think about it too often. As a guy like, yea if I see a hot lady or whatever ofc my brain just goes directly to the banging at this point, but I just suppress it. A U T I S M.