#dying

Pretty much going through this right now.

I'm probably not going to go into work (2 man teams as well unfortunately for each shift so I'm pretty much shafting someone) when I have to drop her off at the airport to send her back home in a diff state.

I'm going to be by myself. Never sleep next to anyone ever again, probably barely eat. 

I know I'm gonna fucking collapse as soon as I walk through my apartment door and shut it and just cry all day. I need to find a cheap gun on Craigslist to buy to off myself with or something cause I can't be on my own. If I'm by myself I'm going to tear myself to shreds mentally.

Years of a relationship down the drain because of another idiot in my life I got jealous of. She was perfect for me and I fucking ruined it. I wish I would have begged her to get back together with me but my dignity wouldn't let me.

Fuck dignity, I just don't want to be alone. I can't fucking handle it.