Idk bout that title lol
My dad got me a really nice HP 21 inch screen (only 89.99 on Amazon, amazing price for this thing) and an awesome Logitech keyboard that is solar powered. It's pretty much powered via my screen lights and room light, which it says on the box it can do. I'm buying one of these keyboards for work too when I get paid next, that's for damn sure, as well as another HP screen hahaha.
But, I wanted to talk about something else, something mildly important to me. Again, yeah, it's about women, but it's about a friend I have in my life. Basically my boss is a pretty good friend of mine at this point and I just get so depressed whenever I hear him talk to his girlfriend lol. Dude, she calls him like 3 times a day at random times during the day and he answers the phone with the most depressed 'hello' I have ever had the misfortune of hearing. It's like he learned he has cancer and is just being like 'okay'. It's a little shitty to hear that. And it's every. Single. Day.
Honestly it is a bit humorous, but, eh.
In the same vein of things, the girl at my work I've written about before, who was a prior co-worker and is now in another department, she is talking to a guy who keeps flaking on her. I kinda wanna be like 'serves you right for ditching all those other guys just because they were a little socially inept' or whatever the reason was, but to be honest, it's hilarious watching her squirm and get her 'just desserts'. Never thought I'd use that phrase in my life, but there it is. Reminds me of Yu-gi-oh.
Uhhhh let's see what else... a company I bought a bluetooth receiver from basically told me they shipped a bunch of defective ones out and they shipped me a new one which was one of their higher end models. They included a USB extension cord for it as well, so I put my Logitech Unifying Receiver in it and frieakin' hung it on the wall from my computer and I'm not using the bluetooth thing lululululuul. Free shit is awesome. Though I will admit I did have a defective receiver, I thought it was my screen in the way but maybe not. This new keyboard is so much better feeling and looking though.
Been playing a lot of World of Warships after seeing a streamer play it. The guy is pretty cool so I became a semi-regular to his channel but now he got a job, so I doubt he's going to be streaming often anymore. Plus I said some offhanded opinions about trans people, namely that they have mental disorders that need to be treated, which is my opinion, <--- keyword opinion, but I guess one of his mods was "trans" male to female (that being "trans" meaning no work has been done ever and it's a 'I FEEL THIS WAY' kind of thing, which doesn't fucking count) so now he doesn't really interact with me. Hell I've been to a lot more of his streams and been around a lot more than some other people and he made someone else a mod, probably because of that comment.
Eh, fuck it, I just left his discord server. The world is too sensitive for me, apparently. They can all die in a fire. Just like I probably will soon with all these electronics in my room, lul.
Work is not going great anymore either. I have to shore up my work efforts on appointments and not half ass them so the new trainees have something to listen to for training I guess. Did alright today.
Unfollowed the guy's twitch channel as well. He was dropping Dwarf Fortress as content anyway so f it, that's all I really watched him for.
And I better unsub from his patreon... he literally has a 50 dollar sub tier for people to pay to be mods. Like anyone would give him 50 dollars for that lol. He can fuck right off if he doesn't want to interact with me over a gattdamn opinion.
Well, I was going to go to bed but then I wrote this and now it's 2AM. /sigh dangit I wanted to get some more sleeeeeeeeeeep.
Also new Fallout game announced today, Fallout 76. But it's going to be a Rust/DayZ clone so not buying. RIP Fallout Universe, you were one of a goddamn kind, you son of a bitch.
Alright, time for bed. Gawd this keyboard feels so nice to type with, it's perfect.
Thursday, May 31, 2018
Post 17
1/20/17
Just finished my workout, still fine tuning it. Did 5-10 more reps on some exercises so I'm happy. Time to relax. And I work 6-2 tomorrow... I'm catching the damn bus.
Just finished my workout, still fine tuning it. Did 5-10 more reps on some exercises so I'm happy. Time to relax. And I work 6-2 tomorrow... I'm catching the damn bus.
Friday, May 25, 2018
Post 16
1/20/17
6:15 PM
Well I don't feel like writing too much right now other than the fact I regret not just going into work today. But 3 days off potentially but I'd rather have the day TBH. That's what I get for not paying attention to the emails I got from Comcast, but whatever I guess.
Now watching Firebottle play Evoland 2 so. Idk.
6:15 PM
Well I don't feel like writing too much right now other than the fact I regret not just going into work today. But 3 days off potentially but I'd rather have the day TBH. That's what I get for not paying attention to the emails I got from Comcast, but whatever I guess.
Now watching Firebottle play Evoland 2 so. Idk.
Post 15
1/20/17
1:36 PM
//Another Saturday night and I ain't got nobody//
//I've got some money cause I just got paid//
//Now how I wish I had someone to talk to//
//I'm in an awful way//
-Cat Stevens-
Another Saturday Night
I like this song, it's really catchy.
1:36 PM
//Another Saturday night and I ain't got nobody//
//I've got some money cause I just got paid//
//Now how I wish I had someone to talk to//
//I'm in an awful way//
-Cat Stevens-
Another Saturday Night
I like this song, it's really catchy.
Post 14
Who cares?
1/20/17
12:14 PM
So I was poking around the MGTOW on the MGTOW subreddit and I realized something, I don't want to get back together with Haley. I don't want any woman in my life. I can take care of myself! I don't need anyone to remember anything for me! I went to Comcast today and found out I actually had a phone interview, and they called my cell, and I just sat in some grass outside the mall and talked to the recruiter for the interview. It was actually nice. And the best part was, I didn't have to worry about buying someone something before I got home, or if they were cheating on me, or anything dumb like that. And I stopped at the 99 cent store for some milk and snacks! (Have to keep it under $29 though to have rent.)
Legitimately, this is the happiest I've ever felt. Yeah it's a bit lonely at night, but I have streams and Netflix to keep me company. And video games! I don't feel a need to BE with someone. JUST MYSELF. It's really fucking nice!
Off to record some, probably, maybe.
1/20/17
12:14 PM
So I was poking around the MGTOW on the MGTOW subreddit and I realized something, I don't want to get back together with Haley. I don't want any woman in my life. I can take care of myself! I don't need anyone to remember anything for me! I went to Comcast today and found out I actually had a phone interview, and they called my cell, and I just sat in some grass outside the mall and talked to the recruiter for the interview. It was actually nice. And the best part was, I didn't have to worry about buying someone something before I got home, or if they were cheating on me, or anything dumb like that. And I stopped at the 99 cent store for some milk and snacks! (Have to keep it under $29 though to have rent.)
Legitimately, this is the happiest I've ever felt. Yeah it's a bit lonely at night, but I have streams and Netflix to keep me company. And video games! I don't feel a need to BE with someone. JUST MYSELF. It's really fucking nice!
Off to record some, probably, maybe.
Post 13
Could say how many days after she left but who cares anymore
1/19/17
10:32 PM
Well got tomorrow off to go to an interview at Comcast tomorrow and it's at 9 AM... wew, lad. I'll make it there in time hopefully. I have to look up the Sun Tran route to get there. At least I hope there's one... sheeeeit sec.
Ah crap I can only catch the 16 down to the mall and then walk the rest of the way. Okay.jpg. Oh well it's apparently only an 8 minute walk, so yep, not too bad. Better than convergys, shit.
Checking mail BRB.
Well I got my Dollar General W2 & Convergys W2, waiting on Walmart now. Oh joy. I read online they don't send W2s until the 24th to 26th, but I do hope it's sooner.
Well I'm gonna go play some stuff now I guess. Not much else to write about. Wish me luck in my interview tomorrow, Journal!
1/19/17
10:32 PM
Well got tomorrow off to go to an interview at Comcast tomorrow and it's at 9 AM... wew, lad. I'll make it there in time hopefully. I have to look up the Sun Tran route to get there. At least I hope there's one... sheeeeit sec.
Ah crap I can only catch the 16 down to the mall and then walk the rest of the way. Okay.jpg. Oh well it's apparently only an 8 minute walk, so yep, not too bad. Better than convergys, shit.
Checking mail BRB.
Well I got my Dollar General W2 & Convergys W2, waiting on Walmart now. Oh joy. I read online they don't send W2s until the 24th to 26th, but I do hope it's sooner.
Well I'm gonna go play some stuff now I guess. Not much else to write about. Wish me luck in my interview tomorrow, Journal!
Post 11
Almost 2 days after Haley left
1/18/17
11:56PM
Today I was staring at some Jack Links Beef & Cheese sticks and I wanted to buy some for Haley. Then I remembered she is gone. It... actually made me sad. Like I almost shed a tear at work in the store. I didn't want to break down at work so I tried to stop thinking about it.
I mentioned it to Lisa and she said, well, she told me a small story about her dad husband Danny. Basically the day before he died he was playing on his PS3 and was eating a bag of salt & vinegar potato chips, and the next day he died. She said she didn't move that bag of potato chips for SIX months. I mean I can understand why, I mean if Haley had died I would leave everything untouched exactly as the day she died.
Honestly I regret making this desk thing and I regret using her chair cause only she could use it and I regret cleaning her desk off, I should have just left it. Man I should have just left everything where it was when she left dammit. Fuck, man.
But... I didn't and it's for the best. She's not coming back anytime soon and I'm not having anybody move in anytime soon. Gods, I wish I had never broken up with her. Goddamn it. She was the perfect woman for me and now she's my oneitis and I'm just going to be an orbiter forever. Fuck. Well, I only have myself to blame.
Well, I'm off to bed soon. Hope I don't have an acid reflux attack like last night, ugh that sucked so much.
1/18/17
11:56PM
Today I was staring at some Jack Links Beef & Cheese sticks and I wanted to buy some for Haley. Then I remembered she is gone. It... actually made me sad. Like I almost shed a tear at work in the store. I didn't want to break down at work so I tried to stop thinking about it.
I mentioned it to Lisa and she said, well, she told me a small story about her dad husband Danny. Basically the day before he died he was playing on his PS3 and was eating a bag of salt & vinegar potato chips, and the next day he died. She said she didn't move that bag of potato chips for SIX months. I mean I can understand why, I mean if Haley had died I would leave everything untouched exactly as the day she died.
Honestly I regret making this desk thing and I regret using her chair cause only she could use it and I regret cleaning her desk off, I should have just left it. Man I should have just left everything where it was when she left dammit. Fuck, man.
But... I didn't and it's for the best. She's not coming back anytime soon and I'm not having anybody move in anytime soon. Gods, I wish I had never broken up with her. Goddamn it. She was the perfect woman for me and now she's my oneitis and I'm just going to be an orbiter forever. Fuck. Well, I only have myself to blame.
Well, I'm off to bed soon. Hope I don't have an acid reflux attack like last night, ugh that sucked so much.
Post 10
1 day after Haley left
1/18/17
10:30 AM
Well it's almost been a full 24 hrs since Haley left. I am redetermined to get into my old iPhone. Got to 'restore' it but was unable to get into the phone. Ah well, maybe eventually I'll be able to find someone who can break into it.
1/18/17
10:30 AM
Well it's almost been a full 24 hrs since Haley left. I am redetermined to get into my old iPhone. Got to 'restore' it but was unable to get into the phone. Ah well, maybe eventually I'll be able to find someone who can break into it.
Thursday, May 17, 2018
A thought or two
You know, writing these posts from my journal is making a lot of cold, dead, zombified emotions keep banging on my steel-clad heart, wanting entrance. But they shall find no purchase here.
I was just thinking about the one time I found this Facebook game that was a hidden item game, and Haley liked playing it with me, and we played it for a couple rounds and then I was like 'OKAY DONE' and went to go do something else. And then she asked a bit later if we could play it again and I was like 'I DON'T WANNAAAAAAAA' and just didn't. And then I felt bad AFTERWARD and she just didn't want to play.
God what I would give to spend physical time with someone with a game like that. (Not family cause nah but a friend or something.) And just have fun with another person in the same room. It's why I keep trying to go visit Jacob, and it's why I like being at work with other people in the room while I work/play games on the work computer (lul whoo). It's... not depressing, but just sobering to be in this little room by myself every night. Don't get me wrong, I don't want a girlfriend, or a fuckbuddy, or anything (not attractive enough for that shit anyway so idc and I have an attachment-type personality so any actual giving toward me from a woman I take way over the top and have to make a mental effort to rein it in lol. At least I recognize it though, unlike a lot of idiots on this planet) but just someone to chill somewhere with every now and again and we don't even have to talk, we can just drink beers and fuckin' chill.
Good god I was a prick at 19/20. I should have been shot. I want to go back in time and kick the flying fucking shit out of myself and just be like 'IF YOU DON'T TREAT HER WITH RESPECT AT ALL TIMES I WILL COME BACK AND HURT YOU OVER AND OVER AGAIN!' The more I think about it, the more I can pinpoint times where I was just an outright douche. I sicken myself.
But I can't go back in time. And there's a lot of things besides that relationship I could do that to myself for, to be honest lol.
I now attempt to think things out thoroughly before speaking, and if there's a topic I feel I shouldn't speak about, I do not. Which is a lot of things in my life, really lol, mostly things at work. There's this girl who used to work in our department that comes in to bitch about random shit. My boss and I humor her but we bitch about shit to her too so it's a two way street lol. But she bitches about the most inane shit. She dates like two guys a week, sometimes at the same time. Ghosting them, not talking to them... it's ridiculous. The more I see that from her, a person who I thought maybe had some decency, the more it makes me never want to attempt to date again.
In other news I traded two artifacts in Dwarf Fortress for like 100,000 DORFMONEY and bought out a Merchant's Guild merchant so that was fun. whooooooooo ITEMS.
I was just thinking about the one time I found this Facebook game that was a hidden item game, and Haley liked playing it with me, and we played it for a couple rounds and then I was like 'OKAY DONE' and went to go do something else. And then she asked a bit later if we could play it again and I was like 'I DON'T WANNAAAAAAAA' and just didn't. And then I felt bad AFTERWARD and she just didn't want to play.
God what I would give to spend physical time with someone with a game like that. (Not family cause nah but a friend or something.) And just have fun with another person in the same room. It's why I keep trying to go visit Jacob, and it's why I like being at work with other people in the room while I work/play games on the work computer (lul whoo). It's... not depressing, but just sobering to be in this little room by myself every night. Don't get me wrong, I don't want a girlfriend, or a fuckbuddy, or anything (not attractive enough for that shit anyway so idc and I have an attachment-type personality so any actual giving toward me from a woman I take way over the top and have to make a mental effort to rein it in lol. At least I recognize it though, unlike a lot of idiots on this planet) but just someone to chill somewhere with every now and again and we don't even have to talk, we can just drink beers and fuckin' chill.
Good god I was a prick at 19/20. I should have been shot. I want to go back in time and kick the flying fucking shit out of myself and just be like 'IF YOU DON'T TREAT HER WITH RESPECT AT ALL TIMES I WILL COME BACK AND HURT YOU OVER AND OVER AGAIN!' The more I think about it, the more I can pinpoint times where I was just an outright douche. I sicken myself.
But I can't go back in time. And there's a lot of things besides that relationship I could do that to myself for, to be honest lol.
I now attempt to think things out thoroughly before speaking, and if there's a topic I feel I shouldn't speak about, I do not. Which is a lot of things in my life, really lol, mostly things at work. There's this girl who used to work in our department that comes in to bitch about random shit. My boss and I humor her but we bitch about shit to her too so it's a two way street lol. But she bitches about the most inane shit. She dates like two guys a week, sometimes at the same time. Ghosting them, not talking to them... it's ridiculous. The more I see that from her, a person who I thought maybe had some decency, the more it makes me never want to attempt to date again.
In other news I traded two artifacts in Dwarf Fortress for like 100,000 DORFMONEY and bought out a Merchant's Guild merchant so that was fun. whooooooooo ITEMS.
Post 9
The day she left (Morning of -> next day)
1/18/17
2:15AM
Well, tomorrow I begin my life by myself.
Here goes nothing.
I'm scared. I hope I can pay rent this month.
(5/17/18 : Literally when I wrote 'I'm scared. I hope I can pay rent this month.' and read it in my notebook it made me want to burst out crying. Bills were always a constant source of stress in my life, and still are, and probably will be until I die.)
1/18/17
2:15AM
Well, tomorrow I begin my life by myself.
Here goes nothing.
I'm scared. I hope I can pay rent this month.
(5/17/18 : Literally when I wrote 'I'm scared. I hope I can pay rent this month.' and read it in my notebook it made me want to burst out crying. Bills were always a constant source of stress in my life, and still are, and probably will be until I die.)
Post 8
The day she left
1/17/17
11:50PM
Watching Wanderbot play Isaac is fun. It's my favorite game of his that he playes just cause of how good at the game he is. I wish I was as good as him at Isaac. The two last levels in the beginning of the game kill me every damn time or I get some dumb room modifier.
I'm trying to run Drakensang in Steam right now but it's not working the fuck.
1/17/17
11:50PM
Watching Wanderbot play Isaac is fun. It's my favorite game of his that he playes just cause of how good at the game he is. I wish I was as good as him at Isaac. The two last levels in the beginning of the game kill me every damn time or I get some dumb room modifier.
I'm trying to run Drakensang in Steam right now but it's not working the fuck.
Post 7
The day she left
1/17/17
3:22PM
I'm currently watching the A series of Unfortunate Events series on Netflix and trying not to think about anything bad that happens to Haley.
I built my battlestation out in the living room. 3 desks surrounding me w/ 1 table on the side.
The songs in this show are good heh. The intro song and the 1 other song in the show for some reason...haha.
Oh that explains it, it's the end of the damn season! Nooooooo! :(
1/17/17
3:22PM
I'm currently watching the A series of Unfortunate Events series on Netflix and trying not to think about anything bad that happens to Haley.
I built my battlestation out in the living room. 3 desks surrounding me w/ 1 table on the side.
The songs in this show are good heh. The intro song and the 1 other song in the show for some reason...haha.
Oh that explains it, it's the end of the damn season! Nooooooo! :(
Post 6
The day Haley leaves
1/17/166
8:41 AM
Friggin A dude. I thought I'd be able to handle this but I can't. I want to copy down a poem of Haley's real fast.
Nooo she placed her yellow notebook away. It's a really good poem. I feel such a mix of emotions right now. We are leaving to send off her screen to her computer soon and then we're coming home, ordering a lyft and then going straight to the airport. She wanted me to help her find her gate but I told her I can't cause they won't let me through without a ticket, or something. Fucking A man this sucks.
I sabotaged everything and this is what it comes to, her leaving and going back to Georgia.. I told her I was thinking about visiting my dad and grandma in Georgia on my vacation coming up but I don't know if I'll have the money or they're willing to help pay or what. I guess I'll figure it out when it comes time.
Haley is talking to her mom on the phone right now but it's 9:11 (hopefully not a bad portent right now) so I better tell her so we can get going.
Well, we're leaving soon and I don't have much else to write. Guess I'll go put my shoes on.
Fuck man. I ruin everything in the end.
1/17/166
8:41 AM
Friggin A dude. I thought I'd be able to handle this but I can't. I want to copy down a poem of Haley's real fast.
Nooo she placed her yellow notebook away. It's a really good poem. I feel such a mix of emotions right now. We are leaving to send off her screen to her computer soon and then we're coming home, ordering a lyft and then going straight to the airport. She wanted me to help her find her gate but I told her I can't cause they won't let me through without a ticket, or something. Fucking A man this sucks.
I sabotaged everything and this is what it comes to, her leaving and going back to Georgia.. I told her I was thinking about visiting my dad and grandma in Georgia on my vacation coming up but I don't know if I'll have the money or they're willing to help pay or what. I guess I'll figure it out when it comes time.
Haley is talking to her mom on the phone right now but it's 9:11 (hopefully not a bad portent right now) so I better tell her so we can get going.
Well, we're leaving soon and I don't have much else to write. Guess I'll go put my shoes on.
Fuck man. I ruin everything in the end.
Post 5
1/16/17
10:51PM
Well it's about 9 hours until Haley leaves. Ish. We have to start our journey tomorrow by 9AM but we're probably going to be up earlier to make sure she has everything ready. WE are going down to Chase tonight to load money onto my card for the Lyft tomorrow for the airport.
I told Haley tonight that she's a very special person, and that if she doesn't get back together with me later, I hope she finds someone that treats her well. And I really hope she does because she really deserves it. We talked about our relationship a bit & stuff and... yeah.
I'm just waiting for Haley to finish putting clothes away & watching the new Jim Gaffigan special to kind of cheer me up. I'm gonna need it tomorrow. :(
10:51PM
Well it's about 9 hours until Haley leaves. Ish. We have to start our journey tomorrow by 9AM but we're probably going to be up earlier to make sure she has everything ready. WE are going down to Chase tonight to load money onto my card for the Lyft tomorrow for the airport.
I told Haley tonight that she's a very special person, and that if she doesn't get back together with me later, I hope she finds someone that treats her well. And I really hope she does because she really deserves it. We talked about our relationship a bit & stuff and... yeah.
I'm just waiting for Haley to finish putting clothes away & watching the new Jim Gaffigan special to kind of cheer me up. I'm gonna need it tomorrow. :(
Post 4
~1 day to Haley leaving
1/16/17
9:37 AM
Well this is it gents. This is where the train almost comes to a stop.
We're packaging up her computer today to send via UPS to her house in Georgia. She's getting a bunch of information from her brother right now but it's been 30 minutes. She called UPS at 8 but they weren't open, so we slept until 9 and then she called them and they said they were open.
She wants to wrap a cardboard box around her computer with bubble wrap we bought. Well technically her mom bought since she sent us the money through Wal-Mart.
Now she's looking at her plane seating. Ugh, plane seating is the worst. I remember going with my grandma on planes to go visit my uncle Brian in Georgia. Though I've never had to personally handle any of it so I guess I don't have the first-hand experience Haley does, since she has taken a plane by herself before.
I just remembered I have to talk to my boss about my .75 cent wage increase over $10.00 an hour. It wasn't on my paystub since it said billed at 10.00000.
Jeezus, there was so many times I just wanted to push her against a wall and make out with her. I haven't really been masturbating or watching porn this whole week-ish-thing (2 weeks?) so yeah. But even after we broke up I wanted to do that.
I realize now that the way to a woman's sexual capacities isn't by just sticking your dick in and splooging. It's about making her feel special and loved while being intimate with her. (And making her cum like 3-5 times before you insert ze penis for yourself to cum cause once that happens, the sex is over.
Gotta help Haley with the computer now, (goddammit wasted a line lol)
1/16/17
9:37 AM
Well this is it gents. This is where the train almost comes to a stop.
We're packaging up her computer today to send via UPS to her house in Georgia. She's getting a bunch of information from her brother right now but it's been 30 minutes. She called UPS at 8 but they weren't open, so we slept until 9 and then she called them and they said they were open.
She wants to wrap a cardboard box around her computer with bubble wrap we bought. Well technically her mom bought since she sent us the money through Wal-Mart.
Now she's looking at her plane seating. Ugh, plane seating is the worst. I remember going with my grandma on planes to go visit my uncle Brian in Georgia. Though I've never had to personally handle any of it so I guess I don't have the first-hand experience Haley does, since she has taken a plane by herself before.
I just remembered I have to talk to my boss about my .75 cent wage increase over $10.00 an hour. It wasn't on my paystub since it said billed at 10.00000.
Jeezus, there was so many times I just wanted to push her against a wall and make out with her. I haven't really been masturbating or watching porn this whole week-ish-thing (2 weeks?) so yeah. But even after we broke up I wanted to do that.
I realize now that the way to a woman's sexual capacities isn't by just sticking your dick in and splooging. It's about making her feel special and loved while being intimate with her. (And making her cum like 3-5 times before you insert ze penis for yourself to cum cause once that happens, the sex is over.
Gotta help Haley with the computer now, (goddammit wasted a line lol)
Post 3
~2 days to Haley leaving
1/15/17
6:45 PM
Two days. 2. Two days until she leaves. How do I feel? I dunno. A mix of emotions I guess. Even though someone in Wanderbot's stream just asked how I was and I said I was doing well.
I really don't know how I feel though. On one hand I won't have to listen for Haley fucking around with other guys online but on the other hand I'm going to be by myself. Goddamn my man-boobs/pecs hurt haha. Tried doing some upper body exercises last night in hopes of actually getting some pecs haha. I know I can't get em overnight though but man, I feel the burn haha. I guess I typically don't use those muscles, so that's why. My legs are in good, no, great shape though. I can feel my leg muscles as I walk around at work. Feelsgoodman.jpg.
I'm going to do more exercises right now I guess, brb.
1/15/17
6:45 PM
Two days. 2. Two days until she leaves. How do I feel? I dunno. A mix of emotions I guess. Even though someone in Wanderbot's stream just asked how I was and I said I was doing well.
I really don't know how I feel though. On one hand I won't have to listen for Haley fucking around with other guys online but on the other hand I'm going to be by myself. Goddamn my man-boobs/pecs hurt haha. Tried doing some upper body exercises last night in hopes of actually getting some pecs haha. I know I can't get em overnight though but man, I feel the burn haha. I guess I typically don't use those muscles, so that's why. My legs are in good, no, great shape though. I can feel my leg muscles as I walk around at work. Feelsgoodman.jpg.
I'm going to do more exercises right now I guess, brb.
Post 2
~ 4 days to her leaving
1/14/17
5:06 PM
Well I guess Haley's mom has to send more money for Haley to ship her computer to Georgia. So we have to go to Walmart tonight and get the money she wired over in my name I guess? Even though Haley has an ID, but whatever.
God I'm going to miss having her here but I'm not going to miss having to listen out to see if she's fucking around with some guy on Teamspeak. God ever since that happened I can't do anything fun. I have to sit here & listen & make sure she's not using Teamspeak because I told her not to. WoW has chat. She can use it. Everyone I've talked to has agreed she was in the wrong for doing what she did (masturbating w/ a guy on Teamspeak) and I didn't think she was normally like that, to be able to do that without loving someone.
I dunno, maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm too old fashioned because that's how I was raised. I just don't think you should be openly sexual with someone unless you love them. But, it's none of my business. I just don't want her to do it under my fucking roof.
It just... rustles my goddamn jimmies that she was doing that while I was here, much less doing tht & not telling me she was romanically involved with someone for two fucking weeks, even thought I told her, if there was anyone she was romantically involved with or iked I wanted her to tell me. She couldn't even do that shit. God. What the fuck? Am I just a fucking doormat to be stepped on all the damn time?
See, here's the thing. She knew I was still romantically interested in her and yet she thought of doing this shit while I was in the house. Didn't decline and say no, maybe tomorrow or something. Didn't come to me for a dick to use. No, just some random fucker on the internet over a person she's known for 6 years.
Women. How do they fucking work?
That
Firebottle's stream distracted me. Idk what I was going to say. Oh well.
So with that being said, I can't wait for her to be gone, but I'm going to miss her very much.
I talked to Lisa at work today too and she said she doubts Haley will keep in contact with me. Which I kind of expect but at the same time it makes me sad I will essentially be losing a friend. She's going to move on with her life and I'm going to be stuck here, in time, forever. Foreveralone.jpg
I guess I should exercise a bit & chillax, got a day off tomorrow, so yeah.
1/14/17
5:06 PM
Well I guess Haley's mom has to send more money for Haley to ship her computer to Georgia. So we have to go to Walmart tonight and get the money she wired over in my name I guess? Even though Haley has an ID, but whatever.
God I'm going to miss having her here but I'm not going to miss having to listen out to see if she's fucking around with some guy on Teamspeak. God ever since that happened I can't do anything fun. I have to sit here & listen & make sure she's not using Teamspeak because I told her not to. WoW has chat. She can use it. Everyone I've talked to has agreed she was in the wrong for doing what she did (masturbating w/ a guy on Teamspeak) and I didn't think she was normally like that, to be able to do that without loving someone.
I dunno, maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm too old fashioned because that's how I was raised. I just don't think you should be openly sexual with someone unless you love them. But, it's none of my business. I just don't want her to do it under my fucking roof.
It just... rustles my goddamn jimmies that she was doing that while I was here, much less doing tht & not telling me she was romanically involved with someone for two fucking weeks, even thought I told her, if there was anyone she was romantically involved with or iked I wanted her to tell me. She couldn't even do that shit. God. What the fuck? Am I just a fucking doormat to be stepped on all the damn time?
See, here's the thing. She knew I was still romantically interested in her and yet she thought of doing this shit while I was in the house. Didn't decline and say no, maybe tomorrow or something. Didn't come to me for a dick to use. No, just some random fucker on the internet over a person she's known for 6 years.
Women. How do they fucking work?
That
Firebottle's stream distracted me. Idk what I was going to say. Oh well.
So with that being said, I can't wait for her to be gone, but I'm going to miss her very much.
I talked to Lisa at work today too and she said she doubts Haley will keep in contact with me. Which I kind of expect but at the same time it makes me sad I will essentially be losing a friend. She's going to move on with her life and I'm going to be stuck here, in time, forever. Foreveralone.jpg
I guess I should exercise a bit & chillax, got a day off tomorrow, so yeah.
Post 1
1/14/17
~4 days to her leaving
2:10 PM
I am going to keep a journal of all my feelings and stuff leading up to Haley leaving my apartment. I actually meant to do this the other day but I didn't get around to it because...nno actually. I was waiting for Haley to finish her dumb Kara run in WoW with da scrubs but she didn't finish before we got to eat Subway together. But today she said she'll eat with me and watch Netflix! We're going to watch the new Series of Unfortunate events show (the one where my class previously saw the movie in theaters with the hot chick playing Violet that my friend Kyle later denied was hot to safe face & left me high and dry) so I hope it's good.
I'm flipping starving right now though. I really hope she doesn't start another run after this one. I ate a quarter of the sandwich last night cause I was so hungry, unfortunately. But I dunno.
It feels weird knowing you've been replaced by another guy, especially sexually I guess. Though she says she didn't cheat on me or anything when we were together but going 5+ years without sex fucking sucks. Hell I went a whole year without fapping for this woman and it didn't change a thing because she never wanted to give me sex anyway. Like what the fuck.
I don't hate her for it but I dunno, it just sucked. But I'm sure it sucked for her when I wasn't giving her any so I guess I deserved it.
Also I was a fucking dick to her at 19, & 20. I pretty much obliterated her self confidence & self esteem in the first like two years. God I regret this shit & every bad decision I've ever made with her because she is hot as fuck now. But I guess that's what I'll miss out on for being a dumbass.
~4 days to her leaving
2:10 PM
I am going to keep a journal of all my feelings and stuff leading up to Haley leaving my apartment. I actually meant to do this the other day but I didn't get around to it because...nno actually. I was waiting for Haley to finish her dumb Kara run in WoW with da scrubs but she didn't finish before we got to eat Subway together. But today she said she'll eat with me and watch Netflix! We're going to watch the new Series of Unfortunate events show (the one where my class previously saw the movie in theaters with the hot chick playing Violet that my friend Kyle later denied was hot to safe face & left me high and dry) so I hope it's good.
I'm flipping starving right now though. I really hope she doesn't start another run after this one. I ate a quarter of the sandwich last night cause I was so hungry, unfortunately. But I dunno.
It feels weird knowing you've been replaced by another guy, especially sexually I guess. Though she says she didn't cheat on me or anything when we were together but going 5+ years without sex fucking sucks. Hell I went a whole year without fapping for this woman and it didn't change a thing because she never wanted to give me sex anyway. Like what the fuck.
I don't hate her for it but I dunno, it just sucked. But I'm sure it sucked for her when I wasn't giving her any so I guess I deserved it.
Also I was a fucking dick to her at 19, & 20. I pretty much obliterated her self confidence & self esteem in the first like two years. God I regret this shit & every bad decision I've ever made with her because she is hot as fuck now. But I guess that's what I'll miss out on for being a dumbass.
Saturday, May 12, 2018
Dream part seven hundred and sixty four: electric boogaloo
dream
I was with haley in a house and she had a set of friends or something that I knew about. And I just remember hanging out with her there and (it was our house) and then she just got up to get something and didn't come back. For a super long time. And finally I just started shouting around the house, 'HALEY! HALEY!" and she came back in with one of her friends and his mom who was in a wheelchair (dude friend, she had a friend that was a girl as well) and when we were alone I asked where she was and she said at his house. And then the next question I don't remember but the answer was 'yeah so we can ditch her and she can give us some viagra' and she laughs. My eyes get wide and I'm instantly pierced through the chest by a giant spear of sadness. I push her into the bathroom behind us (man my brain makes some fucking nice places to live I tell you hwat) and asked how could she cheat on me and not care about me? She just replied with, 'kind of hard not to cheat' and she laughed.
Instantly I was almost ripped out of my dream right then, like my brain's safety mechanism to make sure I was protected from this again. But I fought to stay in the dream. I got myself to say, 'how... could... you... do... this...' with large pauses inbetween each word that made me feel like I was a guy with a speech impediment trying to talk in a formal setting or something.
And then POP, dream bubble was gone and I woke up wanting to cry. But I didn't.
And I sat at my desk and began writing this and teared up a little bit but quickly smashed that shit to the ground. Curb stomped that motherfucker faster than Kratos curb stomping an enemy in God of War. (fantastic game, btw)
No girl is worth crying over. No man is worth crying over, reversely. If you can't get your shit together, it's your own damn fault, not anybody else's. Don't support exes, Don't think you're going to get back with them, because you never. EVER. will. They have already moved on even if you're still pining for them. (in the same damn house even, I supported that fucker for a year and got jack shit out of it. NO FREE RIDES. NOT ANYMORE. FOR ANYONE.)
Fuck relationships and be your own person, for yourself, by yourself.
----notes for dream---
she was wearing short short blue jeans and a yellow shirt with some graphic on it.
yeah so we can ditch her and she can give us some viagra lol
kind of hard not to
-----
I was with haley in a house and she had a set of friends or something that I knew about. And I just remember hanging out with her there and (it was our house) and then she just got up to get something and didn't come back. For a super long time. And finally I just started shouting around the house, 'HALEY! HALEY!" and she came back in with one of her friends and his mom who was in a wheelchair (dude friend, she had a friend that was a girl as well) and when we were alone I asked where she was and she said at his house. And then the next question I don't remember but the answer was 'yeah so we can ditch her and she can give us some viagra' and she laughs. My eyes get wide and I'm instantly pierced through the chest by a giant spear of sadness. I push her into the bathroom behind us (man my brain makes some fucking nice places to live I tell you hwat) and asked how could she cheat on me and not care about me? She just replied with, 'kind of hard not to cheat' and she laughed.
Instantly I was almost ripped out of my dream right then, like my brain's safety mechanism to make sure I was protected from this again. But I fought to stay in the dream. I got myself to say, 'how... could... you... do... this...' with large pauses inbetween each word that made me feel like I was a guy with a speech impediment trying to talk in a formal setting or something.
And then POP, dream bubble was gone and I woke up wanting to cry. But I didn't.
And I sat at my desk and began writing this and teared up a little bit but quickly smashed that shit to the ground. Curb stomped that motherfucker faster than Kratos curb stomping an enemy in God of War. (fantastic game, btw)
No girl is worth crying over. No man is worth crying over, reversely. If you can't get your shit together, it's your own damn fault, not anybody else's. Don't support exes, Don't think you're going to get back with them, because you never. EVER. will. They have already moved on even if you're still pining for them. (in the same damn house even, I supported that fucker for a year and got jack shit out of it. NO FREE RIDES. NOT ANYMORE. FOR ANYONE.)
Fuck relationships and be your own person, for yourself, by yourself.
----notes for dream---
she was wearing short short blue jeans and a yellow shirt with some graphic on it.
yeah so we can ditch her and she can give us some viagra lol
kind of hard not to
-----
Friday, May 11, 2018
Poast
I like staying up late. I really do. But I’m really… it’s just
really annoying to have invasive thoughts at night while I’m
chilling. I rarely get to zone out anymore unless I get really deep into zoning out, very quickly. And all I dwell on is
how I was wronged in my past relationship and it almost ignites a furious burst
of rage within me… almost. But I put it out a
quickly as it started.
I’m just happy I don’t have
dreams about it anymore, or if I do, once in a blue moon, or so the saying
goes. I’m just
sitting here playing some Dwarf Fortress and just waiting for muh dorfs to get
stuff done lol. Unfortunately I turned my computer off with the game on one
time so I basically had to re-do everything and I didn’t get to
trade with the trader that showed up ☹. So Now I get to hoard all my
goods until the next Dwarven or Human trader comes. Cause fuck Elves, I don’t need
any of their pansy wares. ONLY BARS OF ORE AND WEAPONS AND ARMOR! YEAAAAAAARGH!
Ugh god this keyboard has some connection issues and my tower
is only like five feet away dear gawd pls no. I’m
probably going to buy another keyboard soon, I don’t know
what though yets – and that keyboard disconnected
again. Shame, it doesn’t do that at work. I just
swapped to a different Bluetooth keyboard with a stronger connection that I
got. I’m
sitting on like 4 spare keyboards right now lol, jesus.
I think I’m going to go to bed though… almost
4AM and I have to shake out my sheets due to these little black beetle things
in my room that are fucking pissing me off to no end -_- I sprayed outside
around my window and everything and they’re still
coming in so I dunno -_- fugit.
Anyway gn I guess. o/
Saturday, May 5, 2018
Dwarf Fortress: My Pride and Joy
https://www.reddit.com/r/dwarffortress/comments/8h538a/the_tale_of_glazescar_a_fallen_dwarven_fortress/
This fortress was so fun and taught me a lot about the game. Already made a new fortress and rollin' HARD!
Also I highly recommend visiting the DF subreddit and reading the stories in the links in the sidebar. Excellent stuff and excellent storytelling.
This fortress was so fun and taught me a lot about the game. Already made a new fortress and rollin' HARD!
Also I highly recommend visiting the DF subreddit and reading the stories in the links in the sidebar. Excellent stuff and excellent storytelling.
Thoughts II: Electric Boogaloo
I’m just listening to Sabaton and
other related bands on Spotify while playing Dwarf Fortress. Sabaton makes a
lot of songs about the men who died fighting wars that hopefully, will never
happen again. WWII, WWI, even older stuff like the last Samurais fighting off
uh… well I
don’t
remember the song, but, yeah. Oh, the Crusades too. Though I innately know the
Crusades were a bad thing, don’t have to tell me twice, but all
wars are bad.
But if I was drafted I’d shoot
myself, not doing that shit. Sit on my ass for life or die!
But I wanted to write about how little life means to everyone
now. Everyone is tweeting, or facebooking, or just trying to attract attention
to themselves instead of just living their damn life. And to be honest, we’re all
connected now via the internet and cell phones, so I’m not really
surprised this is a thing, but to be honest I don’t really
‘feel’ like I
care for anyone or anything anymore besides our animals at home (and even then
if they weren’t in my life, nothing lost, IMO, they’re not
my dogs and I constantly have to clean up after them and listen to my stepdad
yell WHO PEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED?!!?!?!?!?!?!!?!? Like a dog is
going to fucking answer him. God I swear at least once a day he does that shit,
idk how he doesn’t feel fucking stupid doing
that). And animals warranting more sympathy over a human is a whole ‘nother
thing entirely, lemme tell you.
But back to my point at hand. Basically, life means very
little to most people now. Most people don’t
interact with anyone outside of their friends, and the percentage of people
withdrawing from society is rising every year I’m sure. Whether
it’s in one
way or another, it’s happening. Whether it’s
increased ‘nah I’ll go
out with my friends next time’ or people unable to find people
to be friends with and go out and do things, it’s
happening.
Also, the value of a human life to another human is extremely
low to most humans in my opinion as well. Slam into someone in your car and
kill them instantly? Your first thought is going to be ‘holy
shit I’m alive’ instead
of ‘holy
shit is that guy okay?’ and I’m not
even calling the kettle black here, because I’d do
that myself. But if I was in a crash like that or anything similar I’d make
sure I was okay first and freak out
about my car, over finding out if the other guy was okay. Hell, I probably
wouldn’t give
two shits about the other guy, and I guarantee if I was the one who died he
wouldn’t
either. He would be grateful he was alive and not back to the void of un-life.
Queued some more gems to be cut in DF. Gaddamn this game is
good.
But back to my point, in talking about Sabaton. Though I will
refute my point coming up by saying Hitler was fucking retarded and needed to
be shot before he rose to power to kill all of those people, but, you would
think after a war like WWI everyone would stop and go, ‘Eh, let’s not
have another meat grinder of a fucking war, eh?’ and
just… not do
whatever the hell you were going to do to start a damn war. But no, WWII
happened, the Gulf War happened, nuclear bombs happened, (I’m just
writing not in any particular order), hell, frieakin the whole, what, 8 year
war or whatever after the U.S. got hit in 2001 that wasn’t a war,
more like flooding the area with troops and just attempting to flush out people
associated with the Taliban/Al-Qaeda. Which I thought was ridiculous, I agree we
should have retaliated, but you can’t
retaliate against a group. Though we did find Bin Laden but just a few years
earlier we supplied Saddam Hussein with weapons.
It’s all just a big fuckup,
everywhere, and it weirds me out to think about the fact that literally NOTHING
has a cohesive structure anymore. The government is running on like, 1950’s
software, not to mention nuclear bunkers, and our ‘trillion-dollar
debt’, and
the fact that Congress threatens to shut down every winter or some dumbass
crap. Politics is stupid.
As was said in the movie ‘The
Postman’, (or
something along these lines), Wars would be much more effective if the leaders
who started them fought them. And of course, I don’t know a
person alive who wouldn’t agree with that sentiment.
Instead of wasting millions of READ: MEN’S lives
in combat, and now with the military accepting women… I don’t think
we have the most fearsome military in the world anymore. We may have the
equipment, but the people operating that equipment are idiots. Or, I should say
the people behind the guns on the ground, not people operating drones and shit,
that’s pretty
much a video game. I’d join the army if I was
guaranteed to pilot a drone forever and never see the front lines lol.
My DF game keeps pausing and it’s
fucking annoying dammit uahgnsjfk;sdf
Eh, well, anyway, just wanted to get some thoughts down and
out there for nobody to read lel
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